You need some line breaks in there to make it flow better. i think thi'll be all right if you do that and do a little more work to it.

I've always been wary when people do weird things with lines like this. It's usually to mask how crappy the poem is. I think that you have something here, but I'd lose the line crap and bring it together a little more.

I have liked everything I've read by you so far. I thought at first that cunt took away from this one, though. Now, I thnk maybe it's ok after having read it a few times.

Good lyric. The line "sitting on the banks" makes me wonder if it should be "sitting on the bank." I don't know if Memphis has several rivers with banks upon which to sit or a river with one bank and another on the other side. Still, I like it-9-.

lovely as always, but I think it lacks something...a certain cohesion....I'll think on it and get back to you. 7 for now.

I'm not a big fan of the Acrostic form, but this isn't too bad.

Sounds like you should pitch this as a Public Awareness Commercial...

-Nods- Shaky but I can still groove. Has a slight villanelle feel to it.

You should have titled this something like "Melancholy on LSD."

If this were posted as a pimple, I'd be inclined to say that this poem is "brilliant", and created by one who has the pen-stroke of a genius.

very good. *9* Not in a very "descriptive review" sort of mood. Sorrrrrrrrry. Jerks!

Balls. Give me Uranus any day.

Well, that calls for a seven.

Schizo life gets old when your pals reflect the split persona which is you, yourself, twisted and torn in the delusion of "them". But anyway, you gave me a few giggles, so have a seven.

Our troubles gone? what? eh? Hay, fate has a funny sense of humor, as for racism plugging ears, "Rapping the words we're afraid to hear", After 2pac went down, Eminem snatched the torch and blazed an inferno that leaves makavelli consumed, drowning in the ashes, his tombstone engraved with the title of "old skool."

Left trembling my friend.. shrivelled from shivering. Ten. PS: Last stanza is sublime, I just love it. "pulled from the cunt of life..." Fucking brilliant.

evanesced auspice. There goes a suggestion from my asshat sir.

It's Cindy, not Sindy - God if you're going to write about kids issues at least have the bedrock of your poem secured before trying to make a "point" about some disgusting serpent which spits pearl islands. Honestly, what a lot of nonsense.

I feel like you micro-sized my Goldmunds Slut Fiasco. I hate you, adore you, and forever strive to consume you in a blaze of stupidity.

Amen.