| Re: tanka (3) by shadows |
Dovina 204.250.12.246 |
20-Apr-05/3:45 PM |
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| Re: A new leaf by Damien |
Dovina 204.250.12.246 |
20-Apr-05/3:53 PM |
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"their" in Line 6.
"boundless" in Line 13
"whoever" in Line 16
I hope you do not mean that you hope this is not understandable. If you do mean that, why did you write it?
The first two verses make sense to me, the last two - I don't know.
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| Re: Staying Alive by darylchew |
Dovina 204.250.12.246 |
20-Apr-05/3:57 PM |
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Some grammar problems. Suicide poems usually don't work.
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| Re: Utensils of creation by Damien |
edpeterson 68.79.19.7 |
20-Apr-05/4:36 PM |
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| Re: 15 Minute poem by Damien |
edpeterson 68.79.19.7 |
20-Apr-05/4:41 PM |
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This is the best poem I have ever read. -0-
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| Re: Gaping Hole by sonawrote |
sonawrote 64.12.116.67 |
20-Apr-05/7:17 PM |
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I edited the title since some of the MORONS that read here are trying to be comedians.....and doing a pathetic job at it
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| Re: A new leaf by Damien |
sonawrote 64.12.116.67 |
20-Apr-05/7:20 PM |
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keep going Damien.....chin up chin up,no one ever got to their destination looking at their feet!
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| Re: Layne Staley's Sunglasses by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
[mojo] 80.58.44.109 |
20-Apr-05/11:59 PM |
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Overly bleak. Maybe i just prefer life AFFIRMING haiku?
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| Re: The temple of Dissaray by DeadtotheWorld |
[mojo] 80.58.44.109 |
21-Apr-05/12:01 AM |
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I'm always wary of any poem with "pain" "misery" "torture" and "despair" on ONE line! Seems more than a little angst(y). And "Theirs" should be "There's".
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| Re: Minoan lover by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
[mojo] 80.58.44.109 |
21-Apr-05/12:03 AM |
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Different. It bears the repetition well, but starts to founder. I'd cut verse 3. "House with no start" seems nonsencicle, or stretched at best.
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| Re: Head and Shoulders by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
[mojo] 80.58.44.109 |
21-Apr-05/12:08 AM |
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Intriguing. Menthol shampoo or one of those wire devices?
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| Re: Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone |
Ranger 131.251.0.55 |
21-Apr-05/1:38 AM |
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| Re: Reflections on the current U.K. general election campaign by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w |
Ranger 131.251.0.55 |
21-Apr-05/1:50 AM |
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predictably enough this has been voted on...
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| Re: Stop by [mojo] |
darylchew 202.156.2.130 |
21-Apr-05/2:44 AM |
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| Re: Flesh of Stone by Tangerines |
[mojo] 80.58.44.109 |
21-Apr-05/3:18 AM |
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Excellent. The numbered verses might have seemed pretentious on a lesser work, but you pull it off. Quite excellent. 10.
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| Re: Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.153.196.50 |
21-Apr-05/3:44 AM |
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Dovina and zodiac: -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. has discovered a wonderful online test, developed by Negro Experts at Harvard, which calculates how racist you are. I suggest you both take it, and present the results to the rest of the group.
"[My] data suggest a slight automatic preference for White People relative to Black People"
https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/uk/selectatest.html
Click on "take the race IAT". Work quickly, and for the love of Christ be honest when you present the results.
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| Re: A new leaf by Damien |
Goad 213.61.217.3 |
21-Apr-05/6:42 AM |
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This poem is brilliant. Of course, you need to have read http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=123683, and seen the little interplay of comments twixt sonawrote & damien to fully appreciate it as an extended double entendre.
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| Re: Gaping Hole by sonawrote |
Damien 212.248.252.234 |
21-Apr-05/6:54 AM |
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Feels like something I would of wrote. I trulty feel the meaning, if only these other "critiques" could see that.
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| Re: Stop by [mojo] |
Dovina 204.250.12.246 |
21-Apr-05/2:00 PM |
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It can't be helped. We are sick or we wouldn't do this.
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| Re: The temple of Dissaray by DeadtotheWorld |
Dovina 204.250.12.246 |
21-Apr-05/2:02 PM |
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At first I thought all the spelling and grammar irregularities were on purpose. Now I think you know no better.
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