nentwined
on The Man Who Drooped by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
26 Jun 2008, 8:51 PM
classic.
If an engine won't run, inject some of your own blood into its carburetor. Good try. I think the resumption of SEARCH would make a better try.
As for anti-grav and VTOL, they look like results of the same technology. I don't know what FTL is. The last line is funny
At least you're back and ranting erotically. I wish more were. "de-frost" is like putting Frost down. Hopefully you don't mean to; why not "defrost"?
period after slogans, else the last line has wrong meaning. I get a few bites to chew on here from a beast I cannot identify.
Pessimists have the advantage of seldom becoming discouraged by a bad happening. Enjoy unhappiness, it seems quite comforting. I think you can make this more unhappy be cutting the "in"s in lines 6 and 7 and other such words that don't depress.
it's -> its
two-by-fours (I think)
...
typical drifting away poem. some nice imagery--the poem could benefit by focusing on that and making it more coherent.
Villanelles have definitely made me feel this way. Firefox doesn't know what a villanelle is. But it doesn't know what Firefox is, either, unless I capitalize it. I feel ... guided. 6 for fun.
meh.
definitely lyric; and kind of fun. but not really interesting. I can imagine this set to music, though, and people singing along.
ex-fix-i-ate pwnage.
oh, shardik.
...
strange. yes, strange.
ouch.
Even better on the 2nd read.
A dirge for modern life. This guy is nuts. I actually remember the song he's riffing on.
good old rhyme 4 something child-like and curried with adult-chill
simply break thru the wall and walk away into freedom, only that love can not be found outside of the flesh...and all we are not is not us to blame
hilarious, but doesn't really do it for me as a poem. goes on a bit much, and while you get kudos on "lugubriously", ... eh. thanks for the cheer anyway :)
I know you weren't going for "quality", but there's room for art in it anyway. Though one man's art is another's bed wetting, sure...
definitely has something (situational plot). If you could inject a little more context and a little less highlander...
strange. but I still don't know if I want you to go around with your legs open. what happened to good old crawling around with nothing but your arms as motive force?