Re: Hardboiled Heart by T. Jonathron Remp	nentwined 98.148.150.246	26-Jun-08/8:33 PM
Could be good lyrics. The randomness of what you grasp at is the main detractor for me--I can't gel any particular image/meaning/point out of the poem, and that makes any possible insights ... less.
Re: not good enough by outoftouch	nentwined 98.148.150.246	26-Jun-08/8:34 PM
"she doesn't she that" -> "she doesn't see that" cant -> can't ... This belongs pretty perfectly in the pimple category. It's a common enough place/time/emotion, more for the writer of the poem than anyone else.
Re: Her tears by outoftouch	nentwined 98.148.150.246	26-Jun-08/8:36 PM
the tears aren't for him, really. and this poem isn't for anyone but the writer.
Re: untitled by outoftouch	nentwined 98.148.150.246	26-Jun-08/8:37 PM
"I know this sounds unbelievably cheesy, And extremely cliche," ding! :) No real offense intended, and nothing to do with your situation, just the poem--it's a pimple, through and through.
Re: In desperate need by outoftouch	nentwined 98.148.150.246	26-Jun-08/8:38 PM
"liking me for who it is I want to be." <-- an interesting line "I need you like a fat kid needs cake," <-- less so, unless that's the feel you're going for throughout
Re: Question by half.italian	nentwined 98.148.150.246	26-Jun-08/8:38 PM
plausible.
Re: Moat Man by JMakStak	nentwined 98.148.150.246	26-Jun-08/8:39 PM
this has something, though I think you're going concrete as opposed to free verse? and I'm not really getting the concrete image except for a vague separation of things...
Re: sperladnik: the sequel by malpaso	nentwined 98.148.150.246	26-Jun-08/8:40 PM
funny, but not funny enough. :)
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 98.148.150.246	26-Jun-08/8:43 PM
I'm with impert&ent. Except no real points for the tractor in the title. Congratulations! :)
Re: sperladnik by malpaso	nentwined 98.148.150.246	26-Jun-08/8:44 PM
less drugs? different drugs? more drugs? I don't know! Aieeeeee!
Re: The Man Who Drooped by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	nentwined 98.148.150.246	26-Jun-08/8:51 PM
classic.
Re: in this bus terminal of the future by nentwined	Dovina 208.127.216.214	27-Jun-08/10:39 AM
If an engine won't run, inject some of your own blood into its carburetor. Good try. I think the resumption of SEARCH would make a better try. As for anti-grav and VTOL, they look like results of the same technology. I don't know what FTL is. The last line is funny
Re: I Got Mine Designed by Skamper	Dovina 208.127.216.214	27-Jun-08/10:46 AM
At least you're back and ranting erotically. I wish more were. "de-frost" is like putting Frost down. Hopefully you don't mean to; why not "defrost"?
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 208.127.216.214	27-Jun-08/10:51 AM
period after slogans, else the last line has wrong meaning. I get a few bites to chew on here from a beast I cannot identify.
Re: The sky ending up by Prince of Void	Dovina 208.127.216.214	27-Jun-08/11:18 AM
Pessimists have the advantage of seldom becoming discouraged by a bad happening. Enjoy unhappiness, it seems quite comforting. I think you can make this more unhappy be cutting the "in"s in lines 6 and 7 and other such words that don't depress.
Re: Falling Away by Holy Sinner	nentwined 98.148.150.246	27-Jun-08/6:55 PM
it's -> its two-by-fours (I think) ... typical drifting away poem. some nice imagery--the poem could benefit by focusing on that and making it more coherent.
Re: The folded ways your eyes cave by Shardik	nentwined 98.148.150.246	27-Jun-08/7:22 PM
Villanelles have definitely made me feel this way. Firefox doesn't know what a villanelle is. But it doesn't know what Firefox is, either, unless I capitalize it. I feel ... guided. 6 for fun.
Re: Why I want to kill Opie by Bachus	nentwined 98.148.150.246	27-Jun-08/7:23 PM
meh.
Re: The Fog And The Androids by Shardik	nentwined 98.148.150.246	27-Jun-08/7:24 PM
definitely lyric; and kind of fun. but not really interesting. I can imagine this set to music, though, and people singing along.
Re: If you pimp me I'll stay Walter by Shardik	nentwined 98.148.150.246	27-Jun-08/7:25 PM
ex-fix-i-ate pwnage. oh, shardik.