Dovina
on Rise (incomplete) by Miracle
21 Jun 2005, 9:56 AM
I'm not sure you know exactly what you want to say.
'these feelings have turned around
when you're not around'
I should've stopped reading right there.
Don't care much for those animals. Who does? But the Lost Socks - now there's one of life's great mysteries. Two go in - one comes out.
Great!
beautiful****
Nice. I should skip the amazement: if it's there, the poem should prove it. Not your telling me.
I don't think this is a poem. It's more like a sermon.
A poem has at least two faces. A sermon only one.
better go easy on the tears.
it's lyrical.. I think.
'steal my lone" ?
lone=adj. Without accompaniment,Without companionship, Being the only one; sole, Situated by itself.
Steal my being the only one.
Steal my without companionship
Steal my situated by itself.
It is what it is and it is good at being what you said it is.
nice, very nice. :)
This is too long for what it has to say.
Why do I feel like I have read it a thousand times before??
I liked the first two lines of the 1st and 2nd stanza, and the first line in the 3rd stanza.
"Bridge soaked in alcohol
I lit the match
I saw your face
as the blaze began
I watched in silence as timber blackened."
I give my variation on your poem a -6-
hmmm - think the imagery's not great. Bearded lady, dwarves, strong man, haunted house, so what else is new? Intentionally maybe, but it didn't make me sit up. Nor did all the clungcdungcluccing - bit of a cheap trick. For a dark and gloomy look at the carnival, listen to Nick Cave's 'The Carny'.
Dazzling like a gothic star *********
Before you get too upset about someone voting you a "0," look at who it is. This system is subject to a few abuses and it appears that you and I are rockmage's victims. I urge you to join me in returning the favor.
Much better. I wonder why just some of the sentences begin with capitals.
Worth a 4. Giving you an 8 to balance out a certain putz who votes 0 for all poems posted by those who aren't among his chronies. Click on "view voting details" and taking whatever action you deem appropriate.