Joshua_Tree
on To Brush, or Not to Brush, That is the Question! by Lenore
22 Jun 2005, 11:30 AM
Where's the motion? Is there some other excuse for inflicting these dreadful images and this poor grammar upon us other than your routine root canal?
Interesting read, if somewhat ghastly.
No bad, a little work, and the addition of a few small words could make it better.
I do not think rockmage is limiting himself really, on the 12 of June he rated all the poems I had then posted, one recieved a three, the others were all zeros and ones. I think he is probably going through an insecurity problem so I shall not join the dance, it would not help I believe. Nevertheless, if I were the type who dished out zeros this might well be a candidate for one.
a scar can not by definition be invisible. Or it isn't a scar. it's unmarred flesh. What makes a scar a scar is the Marring.
all that to wonder out loud; is English your first language?
are you talking about the Sandia near the Rio Grande?
What you have written makes me wonder about the author and not about the poem itself. Does that make it art? I don't know. I'm trying to figure out your motivation without knowing you. This is a lot of NOT thinking about the above words.
you think the gorillas think about our inner struggle as higher primates? you think the gorillas see their imminent extinction and wonder about the cause of it?
I disagree with your heart, but I don't dislike your sonnet.
I love the dots.. The dots are so poetic... Especially where there's only two of them.... They resemble nipples.....but arty, arty ones...... My tongue glides over the monitorscreen, licking them, slobbering...... I get poetically so aroused by those introspectic, melancholic, punct-colic dots.......and hey, thanks for the knives cutting into a heart, been searching for an equal brilliant metaphore for years and years........
A bit too detailed, almost reads like a scene from a National Geographic docu.
One 'adobe' too many, look for a synonym
But what would be the point of remembering the artist's bones, without the flesh they are like a poem without rhyme and rhythm, disjointed and non-functional.
Not fond of bio-poems. The movies about Fossey and Alfred Kinsey painted far too saintlike portrets of these two legends. Of Fossey is said that she was a most unpleasant, ruthless women who preferred gorilla's over people. Well, can't blame her do we? Nevertheless I wished you had done this less as a Who's who bio.
Assignment: Read this to whoever it's for. If you get all the way through it without them A) Shooting themselves or B) shooting you, I'll give you a 10.
velvet ropes guiding to the gift shop, poster-prints waiting for the voracious consumer.
I had to use the dictionary twice, but that's okay.
Word of the Day on May 12, 1999 (susurrus),
Word of the Day for Wednesday May 17, 2000 (Cognoscente).
The images/symbols are fairly clever, but they are delivered without style.
These are not pleasant to read.
Can they be fixed? Start with killing nearly all of your prepositions and look up "split infinitive" and, in general, stop telling me [blandly] what I would rather be shown [freshly].
Apply these words to any 5 random poems of yours here.
Please, don't take my comments the wrong way - just bridge this gap between having something good to say and saying it well.
Sadly, if one has the latter they can fake the former - but seldom the other way around.
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
22 Jun 2005, 7:06 PM
The Thinker, sitting on a famous pile of bones...Mona Lisa, smiling from a frame of famous yellowed skeleton parts...
Let me donate my famous skin to PoemRanker, so you have something memorable to print my best poems on. Don't forget to shave the hides first!
Serious now. You choose a lousy ending, Rockmage, if you don't mind my saying so.
'Forgotten are artist's bones,
moldering on display underneath'
I suggest you go and live in Myanmar for a year or two.
You mean there were no plants, rocks, soil or anything?I guess a lot depends on how good your eyesight is.
Foul play indeed, but let us not be chicken-hearted, I cluck that a little more punctuation might improve the flavour.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Such an effort to include punctuation. I do dream is the sort of English I expect from pretty hopeless, or new, foreign-language students.