Where you went wrong was probably saying flowers only have one role. At least that's more than halfway through the poem this time.

"a tub" in line 3, then a . at the end, or otherwise fix the grammar. Seems like the last 2 lines should move up.

"sings" in the last line. "gray" unless you're British. A terrible poem, which doesn't mean it's not good. It's just terrible.

To answer your opening question, I can. Even the Apostle Paul could (Romans 7) Could omit "My personality is" in verse 2.

I don't think undertow is the word you're looking for here...I don't think one could be under the undertow..maybe try something else..I don't know what, just something else....wake maybe... Otherwise, not too bad.

I enjoyed this gesture of the traditional. You made me want to bust out my rosary.

I like the way this flows and the sounds of it, but it's just a little peppy for me (I'm in a state of disillusionment with the human race at the moment), sooooooooo....I don't know...thats just how I feel, and as many of the whipper snappers posting on this site will tell you, feelings are the only thing that matters.

mm...I liked the last line better before...

How is it that you can write something good ("Falling") and then post this foolishness. The Drive-By Truckers' "God Damn Lonely Love" is much better...check that out.

Kind of funny, but I just don't see why I wasted my time reading it...

And for a second I thought it was Willie..but alas, no. There's just nothing original here...please see my comment on...umm, one of the poems by Heather Dee as it applies here as well.

#1 - Although the word hollered is quite an amusing word and used quite frequesntly in conversation here in the South, I don't believe it has any place in poetry...except that My Morning Jacket song...thats good stuff... #2 - I think it just needs some more work. Make it interseting to read...make me actually think about whats going on.

Oooo! Oooo! You're a janitor! I love this game...

Quit ripping off of the Backstreet Boy's material...I mean, I don't blame you-they rock, but it's just not right. I wouldn't write anymore songs if I were you, there's already too much of this boring shit already.

A sloppy effort. You didn't even bother using 'gold', 'mould', 'scold', 'wold', 'fourfold', 'paroled', or 'wrestling hold'.

hibernating lights!

this would be the longest song ever recorded. also, i don't think that the flow works when you go from: i want you to know that it's true, that i love you. whatever...

is the last line to long? i like it though...

reminds me of college

thank you dr. suess.