Re: modern death(Debuffeted) by Crakyamuni	Dovina 69.92.13.105	8-Sep-05/12:34 PM
"sings" in the last line. "gray" unless you're British. A terrible poem, which doesn't mean it's not good. It's just terrible.
Re: Rambling by terbenaw	Dovina 69.92.13.105	8-Sep-05/12:40 PM
To answer your opening question, I can. Even the Apostle Paul could (Romans 7) Could omit "My personality is" in verse 2.
Re: Beneath The Undertow by longships	wilco 66.61.101.130	8-Sep-05/12:43 PM
I don't think undertow is the word you're looking for here...I don't think one could be under the undertow..maybe try something else..I don't know what, just something else....wake maybe... Otherwise, not too bad.
Re: A Portrait of Antonio Machado (Edit) by Sasha	Crakyamuni 131.252.230.15	8-Sep-05/12:46 PM
I enjoyed this gesture of the traditional. You made me want to bust out my rosary.
Re: Rejuvenation by Dovina	wilco 66.61.101.130	8-Sep-05/12:49 PM
I like the way this flows and the sounds of it, but it's just a little peppy for me (I'm in a state of disillusionment with the human race at the moment), sooooooooo....I don't know...thats just how I feel, and as many of the whipper snappers posting on this site will tell you, feelings are the only thing that matters.
Re: modern death(Debuffeted) by Crakyamuni	wilco 66.61.101.130	8-Sep-05/12:50 PM
mm...I liked the last line better before...
Re: God-Damn Love by D. $ Fontera	wilco 66.61.101.130	8-Sep-05/12:54 PM
How is it that you can write something good ("Falling") and then post this foolishness. The Drive-By Truckers' "God Damn Lonely Love" is much better...check that out.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 66.61.101.130	8-Sep-05/12:58 PM
Kind of funny, but I just don't see why I wasted my time reading it...
Re: Stardust by TLRufener	wilco 66.61.101.130	8-Sep-05/1:03 PM
And for a second I thought it was Willie..but alas, no. There's just nothing original here...please see my comment on...umm, one of the poems by Heather Dee as it applies here as well.
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 66.61.101.130	8-Sep-05/1:06 PM
#1 - Although the word hollered is quite an amusing word and used quite frequesntly in conversation here in the South, I don't believe it has any place in poetry...except that My Morning Jacket song...thats good stuff... #2 - I think it just needs some more work. Make it interseting to read...make me actually think about whats going on.
Re: keys by ay deee	wilco 66.61.101.130	8-Sep-05/1:10 PM
Oooo! Oooo! You're a janitor! I love this game...
Re: I Love You (song) by TLRufener	drnick 24.176.22.254	9-Sep-05/8:05 AM
Quit ripping off of the Backstreet Boy's material...I mean, I don't blame you-they rock, but it's just not right. I wouldn't write anymore songs if I were you, there's already too much of this boring shit already.
Re: i was an ass by hendrimike	ay deee 204.90.50.252	9-Sep-05/1:00 PM
hibernating lights!
Re: Rambling by terbenaw	zodiac 213.186.188.41	10-Sep-05/4:40 AM
A sloppy effort. You didn't even bother using 'gold', 'mould', 'scold', 'wold', 'fourfold', 'paroled', or 'wrestling hold'.
Re: Rejuvenation by Dovina	zodiac 213.186.188.41	10-Sep-05/4:47 AM
Where you went wrong was probably saying flowers only have one role. At least that's more than halfway through the poem this time.
Re: Moving Out by jessicazee	Dovina 12.74.40.37	10-Sep-05/5:12 AM
"a tub" in line 3, then a . at the end, or otherwise fix the grammar. Seems like the last 2 lines should move up.
Re: I Love You (song) by TLRufener	hendrimike 69.253.194.186	10-Sep-05/2:28 PM
this would be the longest song ever recorded. also, i don't think that the flow works when you go from: i want you to know that it's true, that i love you. whatever...
regarding some deleted poem...	hendrimike 69.253.194.186	10-Sep-05/2:30 PM
is the last line to long? i like it though...
Re: Moving Out by jessicazee	hendrimike 69.253.194.186	10-Sep-05/2:34 PM
reminds me of college
Re: Be Free Ye by D. $ Fontera	hendrimike 69.253.194.186	10-Sep-05/2:35 PM
thank you dr. suess.