A prose poem, I take it? A bit too prosy, even for that.

Hee hee. That's lovely.

Hmm. Get rid of the initial 'Oh'. Fifth stanza, get rid of 'and'. There are a few other rhythmic things I'd think could be changed, but can't think how. The end of each line does not require a punctuation mark.

Eighth line, get rid of 'That'.

The feeble of mind would take 'I'd show you the beauty that I see/Every time you look at me' as a sign of impending narcissism. And from the first two lines, we seem to have to note that it's your fault this person feels so bad.

About the whole rhyming thing: one's great ambition when it comes to writing poems should not be to end up published by Hallmark. Also, the fourth line: what exactly do you mean?

Let me see... I read and voted on this twenty minutes ago. What exactly have you changed?

For claiming to be an artist. What? Sculpture? I might switch to fecal matter you know, sort of an Transylvanian-provera feel, it would suit your faux-poe masturbation quite nicely.

The last four lines ring of something beyond the screen, I like that, links, ties, bonds, slavery! Not in a kinked out way, but deeper. Cudos lady.

Could stand another take.

For a translation insisting to rhyme, this is very good. One small wince is that in your version it sounds like it's only the crew of one ship that would do this, while in the original it's any old bunch of sailors.

I know this is really an odd complaint, but there may be too much imagery here....still, pretty good and it's worded well..

It started well, but after the first line just sort of died....probably the worst thing I've ever read that you've written.

Hmm, I hate cats too but I don't know if I'd go that far..still a good poem though.

"Quiero te amar mucho" is absolutely the worst Spanish of all the Spanish you've posted on this site. Please, please learn another language. Like English. Or if you feel you're not frightening him away fast enough with your lunatic self-abasement, you can say it in Arabic and sound exactly like a choking budgerigar. AHHebbach chtiiran, zodiac

Did the undertow tow him to somewhere beneath the undertow? How odd. How?

It's interesting to see natures reactions to our debauchery. The image of the wolves retaking the land strikes very poignantly, check out my edit of modern death. It's been changed quite a bit.

It's like mis informed D a D a

Whats with the boats, and water stuff? Television is taking over your minds. Mankinds number one poison, TV. I'm affected, goddamn I'm affected.

You are hurting the internet.