regarding some deleted poem...	Sasha 68.49.8.49	7-Sep-05/9:00 AM
I AM AMAZED. Not only did you infuse this excellent parody with utter crap as you have so brilliantly done in the past, but YOU EVEN VOTED ON YOU OWN POEM, thereby increasing the level of absurdity giving it, once again, a well deserved -10-
regarding some deleted poem...	Sasha 68.49.8.49	7-Sep-05/9:04 AM
I'm disappointed, now I can't laugh at anything but the general triteness. For that you get an 8.
regarding some deleted poem...	Sasha 68.49.8.49	7-Sep-05/9:05 AM
AGAIN with the voting on your own poem. You're on a roll.
regarding some deleted poem...	Tintagiles 142.166.239.14	7-Sep-05/10:52 AM
Hmm. A bit prosy, but that's all right. But really... "Whose birth obeyed/the lust of him who'd given her his name"? Isn't that stretching a bit far for a rhyme? Especially considering what follows. Want it or not, a lot of people are going to think that Mrs. Ewell regularly had orgasms in church, and it doesn't sound like that sort of church, really. It rather seems like a good idea forced into the wrong form. Ah well.
Re: ANALYZE THIS by drnick	wilco 66.61.101.130	7-Sep-05/6:47 PM
ummmmmm....
Re: modern death(Debuffeted) by Crakyamuni	wilco 66.61.101.130	7-Sep-05/6:51 PM
I've seen you do better and I think you could probably make this quite a bit better if you gave it your full attention. However, not bad as is.
Re: Stop stalking me, eventually by T. Jonathron Remp	wilco 66.61.101.130	7-Sep-05/7:02 PM
This is what Dr. Seuss would've written had he been mentally retarded. Seriously...this is just horrible. You're capable of better, I know...
regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 66.61.101.130	7-Sep-05/7:10 PM
Heather, may I make a suggestion to you here? Good, here goes.. 1) Stop trying to rhyme and say what you want to say. When you try to rhyme every line like this, you end up making it sound so forced and unoriginal. The only time you need to do it is if you're writing in a specific form. Just because it's poetry doesn't mean it has to rhyme. 2) Try to find a new way to say what you're saying. I guaruntee you there's at least 100 poems on this site alone that say this exact same thing with at least half of the same words. If you want someone to enjoy what you write, make it original and interesting. If you're just writing for therapy, start a journal and don't subject people to reading this type of thing. 3) Don't vote on your own poem. It's just bad form. 4) You're probably pretty pissed off at this comment and think me an asshole. The truth is that I'm not an asshole...in fact, I'm a nice guy, because I'm taking the time to type all of this when everyone else who reads it will think the same thing but not tell you. 5) This applies to every one of the poems that you've just posted. 6) This applies also to most everyone on this site.
Re: Cat Poem by MacFrantic	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:18 PM
Aww. That's lovely. I'd recommend getting rid of the last line, though. It works well with it, but it seems like a touch of gilt to a lily. If you like flowers that way, on the other hand...
regarding some deleted poem...	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:19 PM
Needs much more clarity.
Re: this has happened more than a few times by ay deee	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:21 PM
Here's a hint: stop making eye contact. Everyone you pass probably thinks you odd.
Re: Letting Go by longships	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:24 PM
You get a point for using the word 'Façade'. Another for giving it a cedilla. The 'Night of a thousand white eyes' gets you a third. The rest is dreck. Start from those two things and do it again.
Re: Watch where you're swingin' your dipthong, buddy by INTRANSIT	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:26 PM
Amusing. From the sheer poetical point of view, a lesser effort than what I've come to expect of you. It balances out.
Re: Stardust by TLRufener	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:34 PM
Heavens. Love/above. How original. Yawn. Line 12: Put wings in the plural and get rid of 'were'. That helps the rhythm. However, for the sake of rhyme you have put that one line in past tense while the rest of the poem is in the present. It can work, but it seems odd. I'd also suggest changing it to 'down on you and I' throughout, thus adding to the five syllable rhythm threading through this whole thing (5, 8, 10, 11, 15).
Re: His homage to the sea by Beyond_Dreams	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:37 PM
Hmm. Needs a rewrite. Sharpen it up.
Re: ANALYZE THIS by drnick	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:38 PM
If this had turned out to be an acrostic, it would have been brilliant. As it is...
Re: Small-town Postal Clerk Considers Inspiration by zodiac	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:40 PM
I'd prefer it as a prose poem. But that's just me.
Re: Stop stalking me, eventually by T. Jonathron Remp	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:41 PM
'Stop kidnapping my pet'... Wonderful. How often has the stalker done so? Does the pet just keep reappearing on the doorstep or something?
regarding some deleted poem...	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:44 PM
Basic rule: first rhythm, then rhyme. It just works better. To give an example: 'Never forgetting the time you lied' sounds extremely clunky because it's a long line rhyming with something as short as 'To listen when you cried'.
regarding some deleted poem...	Tintagiles 142.166.234.130	7-Sep-05/7:48 PM
Sounds a bit too much like a guidance counsellor. Besides that, it's ethically indefensible to vote on one's own poems, especially giving them a ten. But don't feel bad, most people here have done so on occasion...