regarding some deleted poem...	wilco 66.61.101.130	4-Oct-05/8:38 PM
Keep the first three stanzas, changing the last line of the third. Keep the last two stanzas, but change the made you up line. Then you might just have something.
Re: Small Furies by Enkidu	oneglove 71.14.74.101	5-Oct-05/1:02 AM
awesome flow there were just a couple lines that seemed forced to keep in rhyme, make her dead and destroyed no doubt are the 2 that really didnt work for me. other than that i'm really impressed, its just so smooth and complete.
Re: Escape by Heather Dee	zodiac 212.118.19.67	5-Oct-05/1:56 AM
If I may make a suggestion, try rewriting this poem avoiding any rhymes you've ever heard, ever, in any poem or song. Ever. This would mean skipping go and know, pain and gain, find and mind, and probably eyes and ties, to say the least. Finding new rhymes will also help you to avoid those unfortunate cliches (since there's only so many places to lay your weary head, and that's your bed, for example.) In other words, if instead of saying "Take a moment to close your eyes" you said, oh, "take a moment to flex your sphincter" and then made it rhyme, you'd be bound to say something original, and therefore a hundred times more interesting than what you have. That's all. Great try, but please take my advice seriously. I know the tone of this comment is a little sarcastic, but that's only because I live in the middle of a great ugly desert without access to conventional forms of entertainment. I mean it. You can't write anything good while using cliche rhymes.
Re: Why I’m Homeless by Dovina	zodiac 212.118.19.67	5-Oct-05/1:58 AM
Drop the colons. Great.
Re: sap's pay by ay deee	zodiac 212.118.19.67	5-Oct-05/1:58 AM
Are you Kris Novoselic? Or the Meat Puppets?
Re: The chestnut by richa	zodiac 212.118.19.67	5-Oct-05/2:01 AM
Really great. Is that really how it's spelled? I thought absinthe, and am too lazy to check.
Re: Pebbles by Verse2Verse	zodiac 212.118.19.67	5-Oct-05/2:10 AM
"With every pebble thrown A heart suffers loss" is the part that sounds most like an Poison-esque power ballad or country music. And really? Does that heart REALLY "suffer loss" every time you throw a pebble? Excuse me for suggesting that sounds like one of those things which are only true in power ballads, like love's like a knife, or the jukebox playing your song.
Re: A Light in the Dark by Verse2Verse	zodiac 212.118.19.67	5-Oct-05/3:28 AM
http://www.slate.com/id/2120101/
Re: Lost (not a poem) by Caducus	daggatolar 195.166.242.114	5-Oct-05/1:19 PM
true to the heart can love so out this world be worthy of a world eating up hearts before you can even earn a meal to live to see tomorrow?
Re: I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil	daggatolar 195.166.242.114	5-Oct-05/1:27 PM
rhyme ; the criminal act of forcing words into feelings, when poetry in the first instance is a feeling feel for meaning that does not come wordless... I cannot agree less.
regarding some deleted poem...	Caducus 172.212.205.120	6-Oct-05/1:32 AM
errrrm speechless
Re: Enigmatic Innocence by Katzclear	Dovina 24.172.198.142	6-Oct-05/4:28 PM
stoicism is so similar to apathy that the opening lines seem trivial. Vile existance and survival are not similar, making the next few lines wonderment. "Steadfast mistaken for diffidence" is a good line. The last line seems to change the subject.
Re: My First Boyfriend by jessicazee	Dovina 24.172.198.142	6-Oct-05/4:30 PM
From "your waterbed sucked me in" on it's good.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 24.172.198.142	6-Oct-05/4:33 PM
How can words correspomd to doorways? Something I'm not getting. How can reality lie?
Re: For my unborn by Caducus	Dovina 24.172.198.142	6-Oct-05/4:37 PM
I give birth almost every morning during the half-sleep after dream and before reason. Maybe this is not what you mean, doesn't matter.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 24.172.198.142	6-Oct-05/4:40 PM
The title doesn't seem right, otherwise good.
Re: Sex Object by Dovina	ALChemy 69.134.78.74	6-Oct-05/7:01 PM
Don't worry Dovina we still think your a sex object.
Re: Small Furies by Enkidu	ALChemy 69.134.78.74	6-Oct-05/7:19 PM
You might as well use "done did" if you're going to use "did" that way (like you were answering a question). "knobs-a-turning" and "bulbs-a-burning" a case of style juxt-a-posing. Some good stuff though.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.168	6-Oct-05/10:08 PM
I wish I could edit without going to the top of the most recent list.
Re: Sex Object by Dovina	zodiac 86.108.9.28	7-Oct-05/6:48 AM
You're sick. If you were a feminist, you'd at least get so-called sensitive men. No vote.