| Re: His Secret in the Woods by TLRufener |
zodiac 213.186.184.106 |
8-Oct-05/3:45 AM |
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Great. If only you were ironic.
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| Re: dictates of whose travel agency? by A. Nomaly |
zodiac 213.186.184.106 |
8-Oct-05/3:47 AM |
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No apostrophes in the title. Anywhere. Correct would be "dictates of whose travel agency". Want to call me anal? Go ahead. At least I'm not illiterate, and anal people still get laid, apparently.
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| Re: My First Boyfriend by jessicazee |
zodiac 213.186.184.106 |
8-Oct-05/3:56 AM |
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Brilliant. Always a pleasure. I have no idea how to critique or edit your poems. Brilliant.
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| Re: incomplete by Prince of Void |
zodiac 213.186.184.106 |
8-Oct-05/3:57 AM |
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Isn't "incomplete" another word for "with a void"?
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| Re: 10/8 by cronus |
Dovina 209.247.222.92 |
8-Oct-05/12:54 PM |
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Another God-hating poem written by a sadsack who thinks God has dun him in. Not that different from some of David's poems.
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| Re: A Teenager's Prayer by enchantingendeavor |
enchantingendeavor 67.5.217.193 |
8-Oct-05/6:16 PM |
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This is the first time I've gone public with a poem...I'm a newbie...be honest, yet nice???
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| Re: Full Fathom Five by vulcan |
ObsequiousGem 24.255.44.236 |
9-Oct-05/2:28 AM |
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Nicely written, great use of words and reference to Literature.
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| Re: my head is a madhouse by daggatolar |
ObsequiousGem 24.255.44.236 |
9-Oct-05/2:30 AM |
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Beautiful flow, choice of words, language, and verse.
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| Re: Between the Edges by woodstock20000 |
ObsequiousGem 24.255.44.236 |
9-Oct-05/2:34 AM |
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Love the ending, punctuation, and flow.
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| Re: Gnarly Knees by Dovina |
INTRANSIT 64.12.116.67 |
9-Oct-05/6:14 AM |
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With knees like those, you will attract a handsome and rugged man and have many a great out-of-doors "adventures".
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| Re: His Secret in the Woods by TLRufener |
ALChemy 69.134.78.74 |
9-Oct-05/8:38 AM |
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Starts off like a Garth Brooks song.
Repetition can be good in poetry but in some places it's a little annoying.
Lots of potential.
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| Re: 10/8 by cronus |
ALChemy 69.134.78.74 |
9-Oct-05/8:44 AM |
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Why do I think of Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive" when I read this?
We may never know.
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| Re: 10/8 by cronus |
ALChemy 69.134.78.74 |
9-Oct-05/8:47 AM |
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If you sacrificed all that you loved then you can't love god. You can't blame him for not caring.
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| Re: Gnarly Knees by Dovina |
ALChemy 69.134.78.74 |
9-Oct-05/8:52 AM |
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What if he says "I love you ON your knees"?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
ALChemy 69.134.78.74 |
9-Oct-05/8:55 AM |
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Did the old bait and switch on us.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 209.247.222.94 |
9-Oct-05/6:20 PM |
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Fresh cut what? From the title, I'd assume dog shit. Expecting that, the ending seems bland - just a weed.
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| Re: Keep on Going by april fool |
Dovina 209.247.222.94 |
9-Oct-05/6:38 PM |
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The conclusion does not follow from the premise.
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| Re: The Enigmatic Pentagram by ObsequiousGem |
Dovina 209.247.222.94 |
9-Oct-05/6:42 PM |
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New age thought or wicca, symbolized by a pentagram, always leaves me wondering if I'm on the same planet.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
jessicazee 64.12.116.135 |
9-Oct-05/8:31 PM |
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Lose "and" in line 4, and maybe rethink line 6 "I had run over" for something more devastating (what?) or add another line showing why you care you ran over that sprig. Also, why capitalize "Fennel"? Blahblahs aside, I love this. 9.
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| Re: The Enigmatic Pentagram by ObsequiousGem |
ALChemy 69.134.78.74 |
10-Oct-05/2:17 AM |
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Should use 5 line stanzas or 3 stanzas with 6 lines. You know how the devil likes his numbers.
The vote of 5 a tad bit ironic.
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