ObsequiousGem
on Full Fathom Five by vulcan
9 Oct 2005, 2:28 AM
Nicely written, great use of words and reference to Literature.
Beautiful flow, choice of words, language, and verse.
Love the ending, punctuation, and flow.
Great. If only you were ironic.
No apostrophes in the title. Anywhere. Correct would be "dictates of whose travel agency". Want to call me anal? Go ahead. At least I'm not illiterate, and anal people still get laid, apparently.
Brilliant. Always a pleasure. I have no idea how to critique or edit your poems. Brilliant.
Isn't "incomplete" another word for "with a void"?
This is the first time I've gone public with a poem...I'm a newbie...be honest, yet nice???
With knees like those, you will attract a handsome and rugged man and have many a great out-of-doors "adventures".
Starts off like a Garth Brooks song.
Repetition can be good in poetry but in some places it's a little annoying.
Lots of potential.
What if he says "I love you ON your knees"?
Did the old bait and switch on us.
Should use 5 line stanzas or 3 stanzas with 6 lines. You know how the devil likes his numbers.
The vote of 5 a tad bit ironic.
Fresh cut what? From the title, I'd assume dog shit. Expecting that, the ending seems bland - just a weed.
The conclusion does not follow from the premise.
New age thought or wicca, symbolized by a pentagram, always leaves me wondering if I'm on the same planet.
Lose "and" in line 4, and maybe rethink line 6 "I had run over" for something more devastating (what?) or add another line showing why you care you ran over that sprig. Also, why capitalize "Fennel"? Blahblahs aside, I love this. 9.