For a moment there i thought of a dog. Glad it was licorice. Wham bam to the point nice one.

Don't half-punctuate. Add an apostrophe in October's, commas or periods at the end of practically every line, and commas before and after my love in the last stanza. Other than that - not-so-twentieth-century-audience. And a lot of easy stylizations, it seems. Ask yourself, do you REALLY believe "sin never tasted so heavenly"? What do you think that means, exactly? Do you think there might be an original idea or formulation that comes more closely to what you actually feel about kissing this girl? I bet there is. -Low score-

If I only knw gambling jargon.....

You're gonna get hammered ...because there's good material here. I don't like the two different rhyme-schemes going on. For this I think you can do without but keep to natural sounds like your opening stanza. OR maybe four line stanzas alternating a/b/a/b. 7

i'd like to see what that smell evoked. give me the feeling that the smell brought up in you.

I'm researching. back in a minute.

Sorry bro, but the scene over-all feels dead and lifeless, just like the fresh cut grass stickin to my homeless ass. -no vote-

Beatiful... I wish I was you under the chestnut, bonin that girl.

Nice, but do you really hear a cat's purr from under the hood?

Verse 2 is especially nice.

actually was it a dog?

Nicely flowing love poem. Verse 3 is puzzling and seems out of place.

I laughed and and sympathized. Bar talk is almost spiritual at times, almost like church.

I thought this poem was going to be about how a pentigram is enigmatic. I see you've kept clear of that. And everything else enigmatic, apparently.

I wrote a short story once called "Biography" about spectacularly unimaginative couples who can only make conversation until they've finished recounting their respective life stories. Then they have to find new partners. The duration of each successive relationship increases by exactly the amount of time it takes to cover the previous relationship, and so on, until you die.

Suggestion: Start sacrificing things you don't love. It's a long shot, but sacrificing what you love doesn't seem to have worked anyway, and what've you really got to lose?

You certainly are one horny little bastard. I can recognize my own kind from a mile away.

I just posted a poem with the same title (guess I shoulda checked first). This one's better in some ways but also much easier to write.

The lathe of fact indeed. :(

Don't worry about the title clashing with mine. two different sleeps. You have more periods than you need. I would: Line 6-comma,line seven-delete period,9 delete period,11 and 12 delete periods. Till then? I think that can go too. Let the reins out a little.