Hello friend, still at it I see. Doing well.

I don't know about you, but I spent all day shoveling 6' snow drifts. SPRING? Not in Peyton Colorado,

I would also like to get in my *10*cents

Better than anything you've written in a long while.

I thought I'd better resubmit this poem since it's now being published and got me nominated for a Best Poet Award. Just so I could show-off. :D

It's kind of in limbo. Either focus more on the love story or the war story. The writing style comes off as sincere and that's a real good thing. Try to avoid rhyming th first verse and then not rhyming the others.

sorry to repeat previous comments, but I loved it. ;-)

(however, don't you think that "it's" should be changed to "its", as in Or a freight train passes singing its empty boxcar song; ?)

By your login name I wouldn't think a gother.

still brings a tear to my eye

last stanza - 'They may become all afraid of me'. Change to 'They might become afraid of me'. Also, lines like 'But, my life, I already took' 'My worth, I just can no longer see' sound forced and unnatural. Nice idea; the title is good.

I liked it. Not for any particular turn of phrase but for the soft dreamlike quality I felt it evoked. But I would get rid of the 'Satellite' bit, not everything has to stay a pure train of thought...

Stanza two: outside/outside the window. one or the other please. AND: IS racing to survive this night /OR another night. that is all.

ok, will do. So, now take this advice and write yourself another poem.

Not bad, guy, but I think it's a little long....

Did you mean "a place OF sweet remembrance" A really fun read with a groovy beat.

if this isn't bait, I don't know what is. Good that you kept it simple, I'd hate to come down hard on you. LOL. Try to merge the two flaps lines together. and you have a rogue -as- in the last. I think you can merge the drowsy and blinking driver lines too. I love the sweet rememberance and the dual significance of the decorated mud flaps. Incidentally, four-wheelers aren't the only ones to get chipped windshields. I've got three in my Petes drivers side.

"grain of salt and spread it through my wounds" that's the stuff !

Lyrics are so hard to understand without the music. I'd say lose the "up" in line 5, but maybe some twang of string requires it. And Adelaide is such an old-time name that I'd expect a song about her to follow the old-time patterns. Oh well, maybe I just don't get it.

Travel agencies don't dictate; they sell. Doesn't matter, I don't see what you're talking about anyway.