Re: Loss by <{Baba^Yaga}>	Caducus 172.202.128.95	11-Oct-05/9:24 AM
still brings a tear to my eye
regarding some deleted poem...	Niphredil 192.115.60.89	11-Oct-05/11:21 AM
last stanza - 'They may become all afraid of me'. Change to 'They might become afraid of me'. Also, lines like 'But, my life, I already took' 'My worth, I just can no longer see' sound forced and unnatural. Nice idea; the title is good.
Re: Noble oboe now sings every next saturday evening by ALChemy	Niphredil 192.115.60.89	11-Oct-05/11:29 AM
I liked it. Not for any particular turn of phrase but for the soft dreamlike quality I felt it evoked. But I would get rid of the 'Satellite' bit, not everything has to stay a pure train of thought...
Re: In the berth by INTRANSIT	Niphredil 192.115.60.89	11-Oct-05/11:31 AM
sorry to repeat previous comments, but I loved it. ;-)
Re: In the berth by INTRANSIT	Niphredil 192.115.60.89	11-Oct-05/11:32 AM
(however, don't you think that "it's" should be changed to "its", as in Or a freight train passes singing its empty boxcar song; ?)
Re: Waking at night by Niphredil	INTRANSIT 205.188.116.69	11-Oct-05/2:19 PM
Stanza two: outside/outside the window. one or the other please. AND: IS racing to survive this night /OR another night. that is all.
Re: Keep on Going by april fool	wilco 66.61.101.130	11-Oct-05/8:29 PM
ok, will do. So, now take this advice and write yourself another poem.
Re: Skyline by MacFrantic	wilco 66.61.101.130	11-Oct-05/8:41 PM
Not bad, guy, but I think it's a little long....
Re: Tonight’s Halloween by TLRufener	sliver 172.185.236.87	12-Oct-05/12:04 AM
Hello friend, still at it I see. Doing well.
Re: Hell is spring by INTRANSIT	sliver 172.185.236.87	12-Oct-05/12:07 AM
I don't know about you, but I spent all day shoveling 6' snow drifts. SPRING? Not in Peyton Colorado,
regarding some deleted poem...	sliver 172.185.236.87	12-Oct-05/12:14 AM
I would also like to get in my *10*cents
Re: Rocky Road by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	12-Oct-05/4:46 AM
Did you mean "a place OF sweet remembrance" A really fun read with a groovy beat.
Re: Rocky Road by Dovina	INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67	12-Oct-05/6:09 AM
if this isn't bait, I don't know what is. Good that you kept it simple, I'd hate to come down hard on you. LOL. Try to merge the two flaps lines together. and you have a rogue -as- in the last. I think you can merge the drowsy and blinking driver lines too. I love the sweet rememberance and the dual significance of the decorated mud flaps. Incidentally, four-wheelers aren't the only ones to get chipped windshields. I've got three in my Petes drivers side.
Re: Adelaide by wilco	INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67	12-Oct-05/6:12 AM
"grain of salt and spread it through my wounds" that's the stuff !
Re: Yield by wilco	Bluemonkey 170.141.68.99	12-Oct-05/6:27 AM
Better than anything you've written in a long while.
Re: Take heart, you are closer than you know by Bobjim	Bobjim 84.9.160.81	12-Oct-05/8:46 AM
I thought I'd better resubmit this poem since it's now being published and got me nominated for a Best Poet Award. Just so I could show-off. :D
Re: Adelaide by wilco	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	12-Oct-05/2:55 PM
It's kind of in limbo. Either focus more on the love story or the war story. The writing style comes off as sincere and that's a real good thing. Try to avoid rhyming th first verse and then not rhyming the others.
Re: Tonight’s Halloween by TLRufener	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	12-Oct-05/3:00 PM
By your login name I wouldn't think a gother.
Re: Adelaide by wilco	Dovina 209.247.222.94	12-Oct-05/5:30 PM
Lyrics are so hard to understand without the music. I'd say lose the "up" in line 5, but maybe some twang of string requires it. And Adelaide is such an old-time name that I'd expect a song about her to follow the old-time patterns. Oh well, maybe I just don't get it.
Re: dictates of whose travel agency? by A. Nomaly	Dovina 209.247.222.94	12-Oct-05/5:34 PM
Travel agencies don't dictate; they sell. Doesn't matter, I don't see what you're talking about anyway.