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Waking at night (Free verse) by Niphredil
I open my eyes and it is all dark around me, a blurry dark where dreams and furniture coalesce; Silhouettes before the window, their contours smudged. Outside, fluttering bat-wings beat spastically against the air, plunge and swoop with blinding speed; outside the window, a world, sharp-edged and pulsing with haste, racing to survive this night, another night. Mine are the sleepy shadows, the warmth of the covers, the dull heat of you pressed against my back, your breathing. The world outside might have dropped away. I would not know.

Up the ladder: SIMPLE
Down the ladder: In praise of racism

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.75
Weighted score: 5.2086053
Overall Rank: 4482
Posted: October 11, 2005 12:47 PM PDT; Last modified: October 11, 2005 12:47 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.116.69 | 11-Oct-05/2:19 PM | Reply
Stanza two: outside/outside the window. one or the other please. AND: IS racing to survive this night /OR another night.
that is all.
[9] Dovina @ 209.247.222.89 | 15-Oct-05/12:47 PM | Reply
The word "dull" seems too bland. Otherwise I like it a lot.
[n/a] Niphredil @ 192.115.60.89 > Dovina | 15-Oct-05/12:59 PM | Reply
Thank you! Much appreciated.
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.19.4 > Dovina | 17-Oct-05/1:32 AM | Reply
Ha. The word "bland" seems too bland. Game, set, match.
[9] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 18-Mar-06/2:50 PM | Reply
Hmm...wasn't sure about 'bat-wings beat spastically' - it seemed a bit cumbersome, and bats are generally very graceful, in an odd sort of way - the same way that swifts are.
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