| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Noble oboe now sings every next saturday evening (Free verse) by ALChemy Pale meadows streaming
blue waves of Tuscany dreams
fellowships embark
upon the Moonbeam Starship Satellite
willows lead the way
to home and lost memories
what pure delight.
Up the ladder:
The Sky is My Nation
Down the ladder:
The Burden of Id
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: July 23, 2005 8:03 AM PDT; Last modified: July 23, 2005 8:03 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7824 Comments:
[6]
Dovina @ 84.173.251.118
|
24-Jul-05/6:24 AM
|
Reply
I'm a little under a Denken Weizen at the moment, but are there realy meadows in Tuscany? I do like to board a starship with its bark and all, of willows and such wherever the memories lead.
[n/a]
ALChemy @ 65.188.89.69
> Dovina
|
24-Jul-05/8:34 AM
|
Reply
I'm pleased with your response. What is a Denken Weizen anyway?
[6]
Dovina @ 212.71.114.134
> ALChemy
|
25-Jul-05/6:32 AM
|
Reply
I,m not pleased with it. Weizen is German beer. Dunken, probably spelled wrong, is the dark vaqriety.
I thought the use of 'upon the Moonbeam Starship Satellite" a little long-winded..and ? unclear...otherwise I like it. I was thinking...> upon the moonbeamed__________ (something).
Yeah your probably right. It was a stream of thought poem so if I changed it. It wouldn't be stream of thought. So I've got to keep it the same. If I did change it I'd probably drop "Satellite". The title by the way is a parody of some of the many seemingly nonsensical titles you may have seen attributed to other poems.
I liked it. Not for any particular turn of phrase but for the soft dreamlike quality I felt it evoked. But I would get rid of the 'Satellite' bit, not everything has to stay a pure train of thought...
278 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
