Re: I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil	wilco 66.61.101.130	3-Oct-05/1:32 PM
Rhyming is overrated. This is a good poem about that, but it's just not that interesting...sorry.
Re: Lost (not a poem) by Caducus	wilco 66.61.101.130	3-Oct-05/1:35 PM
This just doesn't have the...i don't know...vagueness I've come to expect from you. It didn't make me think. There's some good lines here but I think it could benefit from you MAKING it a poem.
Re: Idle by MacFrantic	wilco 66.61.101.130	3-Oct-05/1:37 PM
There's a song on the new Death Cab For Cutie album that this kind of reminds me of I think because of the simplicity and the signs...it's called "I will Follow You Into the Dark". This, I'm sorry tom say is not as good as that, but not a bad effort.
Re: Why I’m Homeless by Dovina	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	3-Oct-05/7:26 PM
Everyone has a home. You've just got to find it.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	3-Oct-05/8:50 PM
So when The Passion of the Christ ended you thought nope not enough gore and it ended way too soon. Sorry that's the smartest assed thing I could come up with for a poem this good. What ever happened to the 3 Magi anyway. Maybe you can come up with one for that too.
Re: Ode to the Sun by TLRufener	wilco 66.61.101.130	3-Oct-05/8:53 PM
work on it and tighten it up a bit and this isn't too bad. As it stands - 7.
Re: I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	3-Oct-05/9:26 PM
Even Picasso said he had to learn to draw like Michelangelo before he could learn to draw like a 7 year old. The latter took him about 40 years. End in the Rhyme Poetry with it's flashy plume and flowery scent is but a simple tool to recall a precious event. Dare I say many a fool has often came and went who forgot this simple rule and so will not end in the rhyme. If you wish to write poems sublime to spand the changing seasons (For man's memory fades with time if it's not given a proper reason) Fear not that it be called a crime nor claims of poetic treason to historically rhyme in the end.
Re: I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil	ALChemy 65.188.89.69	3-Oct-05/9:54 PM
What happens when genius doesn't strike you and you don't rhyme?
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.205.70	4-Oct-05/9:25 AM
I couldn't agree more. This site is a mini poetic autobiography. Right now life is not at its best. Maybe later life will start getting better. Maybe only the poems will. thanks for your input.
Re: I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil	richa 81.178.144.102	4-Oct-05/11:27 AM
The last two lines of the poem are ridiculous. 'Coerce/there disordered feelings to verse' 'to' should be at least be 'to because it is a contraction of into.
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.144.102	4-Oct-05/11:37 AM
I thought this was decent (in a prosey way) up until: 'to that place I first noticed you in a different way,'. and 'I love you' at the end! Jesus christ. The details of the place are fine. The whole dna bit is cack-handed.
regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.144.102	4-Oct-05/11:45 AM
The ending is weak, there is no need to wrap things up so completely and simply. Up until 'If any one knows what love is/That doesn’t involve Religion,' I thought pretty engaging. 'There is a truth about love' is very close to 'tell me the truth about love' a poem by wh auden. You may know this however.
Re: A Barefoot Day in the Park by Dovina	richa 81.178.144.102	4-Oct-05/11:49 AM
Nice build up. The ending is a bit rushed. Try and work the poem to its natural conclusion through image rather than 'explaining the plot'
Re: The chestnut by richa	Dovina 12.74.105.74	4-Oct-05/4:18 PM
If she drives an Englishman to France, she has more power than you admit.
Re: on passing through some small town by Dental Panic	tadpole 68.64.172.229	4-Oct-05/7:00 PM
I like it, funny, 8.5
Re: Small Furies by Enkidu	wilco 66.61.101.130	4-Oct-05/8:14 PM
pretty good story...wouldn't surprise me if it were true. I don't like the title, though...it's almost doubling up since Satan is widely regarded to be the devil and vice versa.
Re: The chestnut by richa	wilco 66.61.101.130	4-Oct-05/8:17 PM
not bad, rich, not bad at all.
Re: A Light in the Dark by Verse2Verse	wilco 66.61.101.130	4-Oct-05/8:25 PM
It started out okay but then just sort of meandered into mediocrity. Shorten it up and try saying what you want to say with less.
Re: Pebbles by Verse2Verse	wilco 66.61.101.130	4-Oct-05/8:27 PM
Some good stuff here, but trim it a little.
Re: hide and seek by oneglove	wilco 66.61.101.130	4-Oct-05/8:35 PM
not bad.