wilco
on I don't rhyme enough, eh? by Niphredil
3 Oct 2005, 1:32 PM
Rhyming is overrated. This is a good poem about that, but it's just not that interesting...sorry.
This just doesn't have the...i don't know...vagueness I've come to expect from you. It didn't make me think. There's some good lines here but I think it could benefit from you MAKING it a poem.
There's a song on the new Death Cab For Cutie album that this kind of reminds me of I think because of the simplicity and the signs...it's called "I will Follow You Into the Dark". This, I'm sorry tom say is not as good as that, but not a bad effort.
So when The Passion of the Christ ended you thought nope not enough gore and it ended way too soon.
Sorry that's the smartest assed thing I could come up with for a poem this good.
What ever happened to the 3 Magi anyway. Maybe you can come up with one for that too.
work on it and tighten it up a bit and this isn't too bad. As it stands - 7.
Even Picasso said he had to learn to draw like Michelangelo before he could learn to draw like a 7 year old. The latter took him about 40 years.
End in the Rhyme
Poetry
with it's flashy plume
and flowery scent
is but a simple tool
to recall a precious event.
Dare I say many a fool
has often came and went
who forgot this simple rule
and so will not end in the rhyme.
If you wish to write poems sublime
to spand the changing seasons
(For man's memory fades with time
if it's not given a proper reason)
Fear not that it be called a crime
nor claims of poetic treason
to historically rhyme in the end.
Everyone has a home. You've just got to find it.
I couldn't agree more. This site is a mini poetic autobiography. Right now life is not at its best. Maybe later life will start getting better. Maybe only the poems will. thanks for your input.
The last two lines of the poem are ridiculous. 'Coerce/there disordered feelings to verse' 'to' should be at least be 'to because it is a contraction of into.
I thought this was decent (in a prosey way) up until: 'to that place I first noticed you in a different way,'.
and 'I love you' at the end! Jesus christ.
The details of the place are fine.
The whole dna bit is cack-handed.
The ending is weak, there is no need to wrap things up so completely and simply.
Up until 'If any one knows what love is/That doesnât involve Religion,' I thought pretty engaging.
'There is a truth about love' is very close to 'tell me the truth about love' a poem by wh auden. You may know this however.
Nice build up.
The ending is a bit rushed.
Try and work the poem to its natural conclusion through image rather than 'explaining the plot'
If she drives an Englishman to France, she has more power than you admit.
What happens when genius doesn't strike you and you don't rhyme?
I like it, funny, 8.5
pretty good story...wouldn't surprise me if it were true. I don't like the title, though...it's almost doubling up since Satan is widely regarded to be the devil and vice versa.
not bad, rich, not bad at all.
It started out okay but then just sort of meandered into mediocrity. Shorten it up and try saying what you want to say with less.
Some good stuff here, but trim it a little.
not bad.