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Pebbles (Other) by Verse2Verse The pebbles one holds
And the pebbles tossed,
With every pebble thrown
A heart suffers loss.
They fall into groups
They pile together,
To get through the trials
And storms they must weather.
The saddest part
Is the river astray,
When the waters bring new stones
The old wash away.
But the pebbles will roll
Roll their way home,
Home they will stay
Back home someday.
When the pebbles stop rolling
When the stone settles in,
Deep down it is known
They will roll again.
Up the ladder:
Windows and Mirrors
Down the ladder:
Of an Age Before
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Posted: September 27, 2005 12:36 AM PDT; Last modified: October 4, 2005 3:54 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.880797 Overall Rank: 10170 Comments:
[6]
cyan9 @ 217.40.63.105
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27-Sep-05/1:47 AM
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Reply
Analogy is well used here, the second verse feels a bit long for my likings, some kind of break or use of a bit more varied language might have pulled me in a bit more in that verse, rather than just being compelled to glance it over.
Some good stuff here, but trim it a little.
"With every pebble thrown A heart suffers loss" is the part that sounds most like an Poison-esque power ballad or country music. And really? Does that heart REALLY "suffer loss" every time you throw a pebble? Excuse me for suggesting that sounds like one of those things which are only true in power ballads, like love's like a knife, or the jukebox playing your song.
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