Pebbles

Member since 2005 · Posted 27 Sep 2005 · Edited 4 Oct 2005 · 3 comments

The pebbles one holds And the pebbles tossed, With every pebble thrown A heart suffers loss. They fall into groups They pile together, To get through the trials And storms they must weather. The saddest part Is the river astray, When the waters bring new stones The old wash away. But the pebbles will roll Roll their way home, Home they will stay Back home someday. When the pebbles stop rolling When the stone settles in, Deep down it is known They will roll again.

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mean 4.00 weighted 4.88 rank 10153 views 155 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

3 comments

[6] cyan9 27-Sep-05/1:47 AM Reply

Analogy is well used here, the second verse feels a bit long for my likings, some kind of break or use of a bit more varied language might have pulled me in a bit more in that verse, rather than just being compelled to glance it over.

[6] wilco 4-Oct-05/8:27 PM Reply

Some good stuff here, but trim it a little.

[6] zodiac 5-Oct-05/2:10 AM Reply

"With every pebble thrown A heart suffers loss" is the part that sounds most like an Poison-esque power ballad or country music. And really? Does that heart REALLY "suffer loss" every time you throw a pebble? Excuse me for suggesting that sounds like one of those things which are only true in power ballads, like love's like a knife, or the jukebox playing your song.