Re: On The First Night by OneFingerAnswer	BrandonW 216.78.53.191	30-Nov-05/10:27 PM
Fuck.. I like it.. its sweet.. and I like it -9
Re: The Ballad of Fraser Allonby Q.C., Barrister-At-Law by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w	Caducus 172.214.152.39	1-Dec-05/3:14 AM
lol
Re: Divorcing Tennessee by Dovina	Caducus 172.214.152.39	1-Dec-05/3:15 AM
Its very good, focused but i think the meter could be more controlled you do a me three years ago with the odd verbose line. Imaginative and one of your best.
Re: The Bus by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/9:06 AM
This is the exact plot of Douglas Adams' "The Restaurant at the End of the Universe" minus such wackiness as when Arthur tries to get a bag of Scrabble letters to randomly spell The Ultimate Question and they spell "What do you get when you multiply six by nine". In other words, not unclever, but cleverer the first time.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/9:12 AM
One of your best recently. Maybe he's bombing the place? It happens.
Re: I'm walking thorough void by Prince of Void	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/9:18 AM
Are you aware that for most people the verb "void" means "to piss or crap until empty", as in "I was so scared I voided my bladder"? As a poem, not as good as your best, "The regrets made me voids"
Re: Chills by BrandonW	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/9:24 AM
Nice. "I offer no accord" is a useless line and probably just for rhyme's sake. Consider changing it to bored, board, gored, gourd, hoard, poured, roared, scored, sword, abhorred, aboard, adored, afford, award, explored, ignored, implored, reward, toward, unexplored, Honda Accord - preferably not one of the obvious ones. Yes, I did almost let that slide because it's so wacky and stoned and reminds me of that scene in Boogie Nights where the Chinese boy's setting off fireworks and that guy in his briefs keeps waving that gun around. But you can do better.
Re: Thunder by dooley	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/9:38 AM
Hi, welcome to poemranker. Some of these lines are really rather nice. You might just want to keep a few things in mind while writing the next ones (and hopefully you'll stick around and post more): 1. Try to make more sentences or phrases run through the end of the line. That is, don't make it so if you did punctuate you'd have a comma or period at the end of every line. In a poem like this, you could even keep the same rhymes and not have to invert your grammar. 2. Punctuate. There's no reason not to. If you don't know where, exactly, try writing out the whole thing as a paragraph and seeing where it needs a comma or period. Or just ask us to help. 3. Try to avoid rhyming love and above. Click on this link for a couple of reasons why: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=97622 4. You might consider using some real details and images occasionally. Did you and your love go to Wal Mart? Why not include that? It'll be original AND true to your real-life love. And people will love it. 5. Vote and comment on other people's poems. It's the least you can do. And try not to get pissy if people call your work anything but perfect. We're all here to learn how to improve, right? Um, that's about it. Hope you stay. Enjoy your time here. zodiac
Re: Virtue and Sin by dooley	zodiac 217.144.7.195	1-Dec-05/9:40 AM
Nice.
Re: Virtue and Sin by dooley	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	1-Dec-05/10:51 AM
Simple yet very effective. I want to hear more about the racoon and snake. Here's what I've learned. It's as simple, sad and cliche as the old opposites attract adage. We're hypocrites because we complain about it and without realizing it we go and do the same thing. They're really not all that different from us on the inside. Unless you're talking about the vagina. -9-
Re: Chills by BrandonW	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	1-Dec-05/11:23 AM
And you bought it around the corner from a pusher named Jesus. The religion/drug addiction metaphor is a bit cliche but you got some really nice lines in there. Mind if I snort a couple? -8-
Re: Thunder by dooley	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	1-Dec-05/11:33 AM
I read the comment so I didn't need to read the poem. I'm so sleepy. Sorry. Here>-10-
Re: Deep Thought by Dreammaker1024	rahson_s 65.217.153.100	1-Dec-05/1:30 PM
I'm digging this..
Re: Where Have We Gone by poetryman	rahson_s 65.217.153.100	1-Dec-05/1:31 PM
I like this one and yes I truly Care.
Re: Chills by BrandonW	rahson_s 65.217.153.100	1-Dec-05/2:10 PM
God forbid. rahson-
Re: AIDS in a van by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.151.150.39	1-Dec-05/2:12 PM
I'd just like to wish everyone on poemeranker a very happy World AIDS Day. (For those that don't know, the 1st of December is a very special time of year when people of all faiths and sexual orientations come together to celebrate AIDS.)
Re: Silent Night by Dovina	rahson_s 65.217.153.100	1-Dec-05/2:13 PM
I dont know how you pulled it off, but... Rahson-
Re: Thunder by dooley	Dovina 69.175.32.104	1-Dec-05/2:29 PM
I agree with zodiac, and if you stay here very long you'll know that's rare. You've don it again - put virtue lower than sin, at least to some. It seems a strange line at the end of a love poem. Too many words in many of the lines for my taste. But overall it's good.
Re: I'm walking thorough void by Prince of Void	wilco 24.92.74.122	1-Dec-05/2:48 PM
ummm...okay, first, you need to move on from the whole "void" angle. It's wearing thin. Also, try some different styles and variations. Either get some prozac or some liquor (but just enough). Most of the good stuff is about pain and depression, but you need to work on saying it in a new way and making it interesting. Also work on your grammar and adjectives. Often, your lines make little sense because you're trying to put too much into them.
Re: The Bus by Dovina	wilco 24.92.74.122	1-Dec-05/2:51 PM
aw naw, hush that fuss. Everybody move to the back of the bus. I really thought this was going to be about Rosa Parks or Jerome Bettis....anyway, not bad.