Re: Silent Night by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	29-Nov-05/3:00 AM
A ream look at a fast pull, and no slang. You could have done this a lot faster by simply adding the word "not" to the beginning of each line. And it would have been just as clever.
Re: Silent Night by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	29-Nov-05/3:01 AM
AlChemy: Do you know these? http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=91617 http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=91677
Re: Silent Night by Dovina	Caducus 172.212.243.109	29-Nov-05/3:51 AM
If his piece was so heavenly would your night be so silent>?
Re: Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	29-Nov-05/4:32 AM
I bearded his black Jesus with rope wrapped tight round his plastic throat. I hung him from a branch, did a little tribal dance and fed his pecker to a porcelain goat.
Re: The copper man and Labrador by Caducus	Dovina 209.247.222.87	29-Nov-05/5:17 PM
The last line might turn it into another Poor-man-dead poem, except for “shrapnel for our conscience” which I see as a painful wound on the collective sensibility – maybe because of the medal, or just maybe because they all agreed with the dog. Provocative.
Re: it's damp after closing by hendrimike	zodiac 212.118.19.91	30-Nov-05/1:20 AM
I can't get past "we can all remember the past". There are about a million reasons why that's just not right. For example: 1. No, many people can't. 2. What you think you remember isn't really the past. The rest of this is good at what it's trying to do.
Re: Focus by MacFrantic	zodiac 212.118.19.91	30-Nov-05/1:22 AM
Why all the linebreaks? "I couldn't believe my sight" isn't a real expression, or particularly grammatical. "spleen and spry" is good, but you know for all intents and purposes they're opposites, right?
Re: The copper man and Labrador by Caducus	zodiac 212.118.19.91	30-Nov-05/1:24 AM
You're missing apostrophes throughout. "vagrant's" for one, and "let's". I'm stuck on him wearing Versace. Maybe make it clear he's wearing handmedowns? Clearer than "shadows", I mean. In all, one of your better.
Re: Games by BrandonW	zodiac 212.118.19.91	30-Nov-05/1:27 AM
Vague. Get some details in there. Who, what, where and when, for starters. Unless you're Chris Isaak - in which case, not bad for you.
Re: it's damp after closing by hendrimike	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	30-Nov-05/7:44 AM
It seems like every stanza is missing a line.
Re: Focus by MacFrantic	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	30-Nov-05/7:50 AM
The only thing I would change is that I would space the lines and the words even farther apart.
Re: The copper man and Labrador by Caducus	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	30-Nov-05/8:23 AM
A bum dies (head tilted) in either a refrgerator or cardboard box filled with polystyrene packing. I thought it was in the alley next to a Versace store seeing that the odds of so many people walking past a dead bum while wearing Versace are quite slim odds. The copper is pennies. The Lab goes blue(sad). Neon reepers(ambulance). Muzzling(sirens) his grief. Medal from King George(quarter). The pauper box is planed.(His casket's ready) Lets just bury him he's shrapnel for our conscience and I'm late for my meeting.(Forget about him. It'll only bring us down. I've got better things to do. How'd I do?
Re: Silent Night by Dovina	wilco 24.92.74.122	30-Nov-05/3:44 PM
I'm not religious or anything but I just don't think turning a christmas carol into a naughty nursery rhyme is all that original. No offense, but it just doesn't seem any more so to me that Sasha's irritating translations.
regarding some deleted poem...	BrandonW 216.78.53.191	30-Nov-05/6:15 PM
Those cheeks never miss a cue... I like that... sounds more natural without 'the' before fear. - 5
Re: listen by elderking	BrandonW 216.78.53.191	30-Nov-05/6:33 PM
8 - I likes...
Re: Low by wilco	BrandonW 216.78.53.191	30-Nov-05/6:43 PM
Do you have any music or chords worked out for this? I put some chords to it.. and it doesnt sound bad.. - 7
Re: Virtue and Sin by dooley	BrandonW 216.78.53.191	30-Nov-05/8:38 PM
I'm confused.. there is "I".. and there is the girl.. there is "I" again.. then a writer, low men, a snake, and raccoon.. then back to the girl and another guy, who apparently is a knight.. then back to the damn snake..
Re: The Bus by Dovina	BrandonW 216.78.53.191	30-Nov-05/8:57 PM
I like the idea.. I get images of molecular hitchhikers riding a comet to earth.. then.. I don't know that I like bred, sped, bled, fed.. and.. in saying, "All the children know the ancient honored bus", are you saying that everyone has their own explanation for why we are here? Anyways, I think the last 3 are the strongest.. -7
Re: Virtue and Sin by dooley	Dovina 209.247.222.99	30-Nov-05/9:15 PM
I presume all the quotes are from the 8-page poem. They seem scattered as shown. But the kicker is "Virtue for women is lower than sin . . .Virtue is a trait few women can see." Do you really mean that?
Re: Send The Devil... by horus8	Freethinker1602 129.174.180.3	30-Nov-05/9:57 PM
Hey there... I was just looking around on here for kicks, haven't been around in ages. Just wanted to say that just because my name is Ke-Ke does not mean I am black. I'm a beautiful blonde with blue eyes.