Re: mask; an infidelity by FreeFormFixation	cyan9 217.40.63.105	6-Dec-05/2:44 AM
Pleasantly Confusing
Re: laugh again by skaskowski	cyan9 217.40.63.105	6-Dec-05/2:47 AM
Too much to think about for me to want to dive in and try to understand it (especially in the morning).
Re: almost missed work by calliope	cyan9 217.40.63.105	6-Dec-05/2:50 AM
Cute, nothing more, nothing less... for that reason I dont particularly like this, but have had an enjoyable read, that I will forget quite quickly I am sad to say.
Re: laugh again by skaskowski	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	6-Dec-05/3:08 AM
Damn! That's a really bad case of Peyronie's disease.
Re: mask; an infidelity by FreeFormFixation	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	6-Dec-05/3:14 AM
How dare you steal from those poor Mexicans selling oranges on the street. They need every penny they can get to buy soap.
Re: Night Shift by ALChemy	Caducus 172.212.248.113	6-Dec-05/3:46 AM
Good combination of rhyme without losing substance. The only part which let it down is :As my zombified body eats my brain. Yet it does make a strong point without being said as strongly as you could. 8
Re: Charm by OneFingerAnswer	Zoe 172.214.160.179	6-Dec-05/5:43 AM
I must say that I like this: teh build up of character. Perhaps some words and phrases are not working hard enough, like 'carrying himslef as if on a breeze'. You could be more specific here maybe'. I would also like to have more concrete happenings described.
Re: ... in the Rain by Numen	Zoe 172.214.160.179	6-Dec-05/5:46 AM
There's a great deal that I like about this poem. The form is interesting and I like how it looks on the page. Sometimes the language could work harder - e.g.hiding tears in the rain is a cliche.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.38.134.51	6-Dec-05/5:46 AM
Who is... Henry James?
Re: Gloria's Falling Sun by OneFingerAnswer	Zoe 172.214.160.179	6-Dec-05/5:55 AM
I like this, but I'm not sure about the nursery rhyme sing song quality of the rhyme - maybe blank verse would be a better restraint? Also I don't like the way that our heroine is left in the dark at the end. Couldn't she hit Hyde over the head with a saucepan and escape or something?
Re: Dying Abroad by zodiac	Caducus 172.212.248.113	6-Dec-05/6:25 AM
I have no idea of hte complexities of a triolet but the word play was inspiring and parts reminded me of Frost. One of the best I've read in a while on here.
Re: Irish Holliday by Dovina	INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67	6-Dec-05/7:04 AM
Consider yourself luckey. Santa might have sent you the Snuggle bear. Or a Lobster.
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67	6-Dec-05/7:08 AM
As long as you keep writing, (unlike me) you can do no wrong.
Re: The Incubation by oneglove	Dovina 69.175.32.104	6-Dec-05/1:00 PM
Wordy in places, but good. The long lines could be shortened or cut.
Re: laugh again by skaskowski	Dovina 69.175.32.104	6-Dec-05/1:04 PM
How can the rim of a coin be a mobius strip? What metaphor?
Re: The Dark by cyan9	Dovina 69.175.32.104	6-Dec-05/2:01 PM
Very dark indeed. Fear = sanity? Terror = delivery? The semicolon and colon seem unnecessary.
Re: YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe	some deleted user 204.97.18.35	6-Dec-05/5:14 PM
i really like this, especially the first four stanzas.
Re: The Dark by cyan9	some deleted user 204.97.18.35	6-Dec-05/5:44 PM
The more I read this, the more I like it. Nice work.
Re: YOUR OWN PLEASURE by Zoe	Dovina 69.175.32.104	6-Dec-05/7:31 PM
It’s not strictly paradelle, which has only four stanzas compared to your eight. Nor does your last stanza contain all of the words in the above stanzas. Nor is it two paradelles, because the fourth stanza does not contain all the words in the above four. Still, it’s a good poem and holds the thoughts together in spite of a very constraining form. It is certainly better than http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=107380 where I mock Billy Collins, the French, and other sticklers to form.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 212.38.134.51	7-Dec-05/1:24 AM
I'd drop "a gatekeeper finally letting you by, a reason to believe you can actually fly". Some of this is very very good - "reading a list of names and finding your own, reading a list long with adjectives that you’ve never known, and finding you, a bumblebee keeper of sanity". As for the rest, I can't be too hard on something sounding so close to "Midnite Vultures"-era Beck.