Very nice flow with clear images that leave a warm image of times that feel like they are about to be gone.

I dont know i was upset when i thought of this

But why pick that particular ending? Especially touching for me because it reaches into some not so distant memories of mine and wrings them out a bit. I likey.

A good way to live life.Knowing God is watching has a tendency to keep you honest.

This is probably the most poetic thing you've written. Change the nothing'll to nothing will and rework the last line. Also the 4th line could use a little tweak.

It doesn't flow as well as It could (or maybe i'm just not reading it right). Maybe I just need to be Irish...or drunk...or both..

I'm not real big on praise poems...I get why people do it..it's just not my cup of tea. Still, it's written pretty well. On a related note, I really think people should log in before they give you a zero...just common fucking courtesy if you ask me.

It's not good, it's not bad...it's just mediocre.

Definitely not your best, but I'm glad you're back.

You've chosen in my mind the worst poetic form barring haiku's to present this, the form is so highly repetitive that I cant rate this poem for the skill that it takes to write such a beast, and can only condemn it for the chosen form (which has distracted me from the work even more in this case than is usual). When will people learn that nothing good can come of this evil.

Its the kind of thing that I might think was really deep and amusing after 8-9 pints of Guiness

Yeah. Sweet, no lingering impression.

A mobius strip is a metaphor. For the rim of a coin, among other things.

Let's try another approach. GOOGLE CLICHE COUNT "I sit quietly" = 20,700 "Sit in the dark" = 123,000 "Peering out the window" = 19,300 "Count all the stars" = 623 "Wish on every one" = 190 + "Wish on every star" = 769 "Until you come back" = 126,000 "You left me here" = 33,400 + "You left me alone" = 27,700 + "You left me sad" = 1,830 "You left the world behind" = 249 "Went on to a better place" = 786 "Sit here and wait" = 47,400 "For your return" = 566,000 + "Sit and wait for your return" = 125 "You said you'd come back" = 590 "Take me in your arms" = 120,000 "I sit in/on the windowsill" = 119 "Count all the stars" = 623 "I'm no longer lonely" = 580 "You hold me in your arms" = 20,100

In the interest of fairness, here's Caducus' most recent post: "I was your Abilene dream" = 0 + "I was your dream" = 357 "Your rainy Chelsea thoughts" = 0 + "Your rainy thoughts" = 1 "The moisture on your fingers" = 49 "midnight moon Prince" = 53 "I was your IPOD lyrics" = 0 + "I was your lyrics" = 29 "You cantered through suits" = 0 "Breathless even then" = 21 "Before we ever touched" = 390 "You were my serpent" = 1 "My scent of apples" = 0 "Eve slept against my rib cage" = 0 "Knowing the end was near" = 492 "We met in Coventry" = 7 "Both becoming flesh" = 1 "Trains spat diesel" = 0 "Was it a ghost" = 1,160 "Taxi to a Hotel bar" = 4 "Lips betrayed minds" = 0 "Nerves brined my palms" = 0 "Whenever you breathed" = 39 "We left for Texas engaged" = 0 + "We left for Texas" = 195 "Broth of your mothers mouth" = 0 "Stirred the cauldron of my tongue" = 0 "Promises were made" = 107,000 "Ring became a rock" = 0 "Rock became sand" = 10 "Sand became time" = 0 "Time impaled her heart" = 0 "Left me deaf and blind" = 68 "Waiting for a train" = 167,000 "That brings new lovers" = 1 + "Brings new lovers" = 2 "Her wailing ghost" = 3

I have to agree with zodiac here. You've exhibited line after line of phrases that are used commonly to beg for sympathy or to dwell in pity, and so I think that justifies zodiacs complaint.

Capo 4

It has a lot of good images and lines, but the comfort of logic is mostly lacking, at least for me. Don't get me wrong, the thing doesn't have to add up to be good, it just does more for me if I find answers to questions like, How is she saved from how life ends up when you’re all alone?

It's funny, lately my dreams have been lasting a lifetime. Long story. Now is not the time. I especially liked the first stanza.

My style and choice of topics is typical of me. Reading the bible has always fascinated me, and always makes me wonder what it was like then, or how would it have been had i been there then. i'm a dreamer and thats what gets me going. Enjoy diving into my dreams........You might find some inspiration in there.