Re: almost missed work by calliope	zodiac 212.38.134.51	7-Dec-05/1:26 AM
Yeah. Sweet, no lingering impression.
Re: laugh again by skaskowski	zodiac 212.38.134.51	7-Dec-05/1:27 AM
A mobius strip is a metaphor. For the rim of a coin, among other things.
Re: Count All the Stars by TLRufener	zodiac 212.38.134.51	7-Dec-05/6:05 AM
Let's try another approach. GOOGLE CLICHE COUNT "I sit quietly" = 20,700 "Sit in the dark" = 123,000 "Peering out the window" = 19,300 "Count all the stars" = 623 "Wish on every one" = 190 + "Wish on every star" = 769 "Until you come back" = 126,000 "You left me here" = 33,400 + "You left me alone" = 27,700 + "You left me sad" = 1,830 "You left the world behind" = 249 "Went on to a better place" = 786 "Sit here and wait" = 47,400 "For your return" = 566,000 + "Sit and wait for your return" = 125 "You said you'd come back" = 590 "Take me in your arms" = 120,000 "I sit in/on the windowsill" = 119 "Count all the stars" = 623 "I'm no longer lonely" = 580 "You hold me in your arms" = 20,100
Re: Count All the Stars by TLRufener	zodiac 212.38.134.51	7-Dec-05/6:19 AM
In the interest of fairness, here's Caducus' most recent post: "I was your Abilene dream" = 0 + "I was your dream" = 357 "Your rainy Chelsea thoughts" = 0 + "Your rainy thoughts" = 1 "The moisture on your fingers" = 49 "midnight moon Prince" = 53 "I was your IPOD lyrics" = 0 + "I was your lyrics" = 29 "You cantered through suits" = 0 "Breathless even then" = 21 "Before we ever touched" = 390 "You were my serpent" = 1 "My scent of apples" = 0 "Eve slept against my rib cage" = 0 "Knowing the end was near" = 492 "We met in Coventry" = 7 "Both becoming flesh" = 1 "Trains spat diesel" = 0 "Was it a ghost" = 1,160 "Taxi to a Hotel bar" = 4 "Lips betrayed minds" = 0 "Nerves brined my palms" = 0 "Whenever you breathed" = 39 "We left for Texas engaged" = 0 + "We left for Texas" = 195 "Broth of your mothers mouth" = 0 "Stirred the cauldron of my tongue" = 0 "Promises were made" = 107,000 "Ring became a rock" = 0 "Rock became sand" = 10 "Sand became time" = 0 "Time impaled her heart" = 0 "Left me deaf and blind" = 68 "Waiting for a train" = 167,000 "That brings new lovers" = 1 + "Brings new lovers" = 2 "Her wailing ghost" = 3
Re: Count All the Stars by TLRufener	cyan9 217.40.63.105	7-Dec-05/6:47 AM
I have to agree with zodiac here. You've exhibited line after line of phrases that are used commonly to beg for sympathy or to dwell in pity, and so I think that justifies zodiacs complaint.
regarding some deleted poem...	cyan9 217.40.63.105	7-Dec-05/6:53 AM
Very nice flow with clear images that leave a warm image of times that feel like they are about to be gone.
Re: IT All Starts With My Fears by tisa7	tisa7 168.254.226.55	7-Dec-05/9:25 AM
I dont know i was upset when i thought of this
Re: Better Off Dead by wilco	wilco 24.92.74.122	7-Dec-05/3:50 PM
Capo 4
Re: Better Off Dead by wilco	Dovina 69.175.32.104	7-Dec-05/3:57 PM
It has a lot of good images and lines, but the comfort of logic is mostly lacking, at least for me. Don't get me wrong, the thing doesn't have to add up to be good, it just does more for me if I find answers to questions like, How is she saved from how life ends up when you’re all alone?
Re: Better Off Dead by wilco	sliver 172.191.201.220	7-Dec-05/7:06 PM
But why pick that particular ending? Especially touching for me because it reaches into some not so distant memories of mine and wrings them out a bit. I likey.
Re: Jesus, you I see by amanda_dcosta	sliver 172.191.201.220	7-Dec-05/7:20 PM
A good way to live life.Knowing God is watching has a tendency to keep you honest.
Re: i dream in nine minute increments by ay deee	sliver 172.191.201.220	7-Dec-05/7:56 PM
It's funny, lately my dreams have been lasting a lifetime. Long story. Now is not the time. I especially liked the first stanza.
Re: IN ONE LONG NIGHT by Prince of Void	wilco 24.92.74.122	7-Dec-05/8:37 PM
This is probably the most poetic thing you've written. Change the nothing'll to nothing will and rework the last line. Also the 4th line could use a little tweak.
Re: Irish Holliday by Dovina	wilco 24.92.74.122	7-Dec-05/8:41 PM
It doesn't flow as well as It could (or maybe i'm just not reading it right). Maybe I just need to be Irish...or drunk...or both..
Re: Jesus, you I see by amanda_dcosta	wilco 24.92.74.122	7-Dec-05/8:45 PM
I'm not real big on praise poems...I get why people do it..it's just not my cup of tea. Still, it's written pretty well. On a related note, I really think people should log in before they give you a zero...just common fucking courtesy if you ask me.
Re: Count All the Stars by TLRufener	wilco 24.92.74.122	7-Dec-05/9:01 PM
It's not good, it's not bad...it's just mediocre.
Re: Hope by sliver	wilco 24.92.74.122	7-Dec-05/9:03 PM
Definitely not your best, but I'm glad you're back.
Re: The Third Fall Of Jesus by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	7-Dec-05/9:58 PM
My style and choice of topics is typical of me. Reading the bible has always fascinated me, and always makes me wonder what it was like then, or how would it have been had i been there then. i'm a dreamer and thats what gets me going. Enjoy diving into my dreams........You might find some inspiration in there.
Re: Look Who's Talking by OneFingerAnswer	cyan9 217.40.63.105	8-Dec-05/2:02 AM
You've chosen in my mind the worst poetic form barring haiku's to present this, the form is so highly repetitive that I cant rate this poem for the skill that it takes to write such a beast, and can only condemn it for the chosen form (which has distracted me from the work even more in this case than is usual). When will people learn that nothing good can come of this evil.
Re: Irish Holliday by Dovina	cyan9 217.40.63.105	8-Dec-05/2:28 AM
Its the kind of thing that I might think was really deep and amusing after 8-9 pints of Guiness