Re: Reckoning by <~>	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.67	9-Jan-06/9:39 AM
Serious juju. Sorry, I'm still from the Rothian camp. Do you just like to play with little balls? I'll stop now. Gotta visit the loo. I'll check back with scrawl a little later. Brain is cooking today. Hope I can post my newest "over there". Thanks fo' da hep!
Re: We'll be right back after these messages by INTRANSIT	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	9-Jan-06/10:29 AM
Hmmm, Ahem, .... I'm speechless. A bit weird I feel, or maybe its not got to me well enough.
Re: A New Year Prayer by amanda_dcosta	lmp 141.154.134.3	9-Jan-06/10:42 AM
line 10: "Misfortune's been out friend;" (add the "'s") line 17: add a comma after "Lord", as in line 1. not my style poem, but a nice sentiment. i suppose the aetheists don't deserve a happy new year? it is, in my opinion, the danger of writing a prayer-type poem, i suppose. thanks and happy new year in return.
Re: Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones	<~> 167.206.181.179	9-Jan-06/10:44 AM
no need for apologiy. i question the need for the stanza on footballers. i'm missing the relationship to the seasonality of the rest of it. then again, maybe the january fog has got to me as well.
Re: California triolets by zodiac	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	9-Jan-06/10:48 AM
Not bad...... You have a nice way of turning a very obscure scene into poetic reality.
Re: What Matters by Dovina	lmp 141.154.134.3	9-Jan-06/10:49 AM
i think the sentiment that inspired this work outweighs the sentiment conveyed. i am guessing a budding artist's drawing for you is the subject. as someone commented on my attempt at Haiku, "sometimes 17 syllables isn't enough".
Re: Duff firs, Nawal by zodiac	<~> 167.206.181.179	9-Jan-06/10:52 AM
i like it. in english. and i like the way my ill-informed pronunciation makes it sound in arabic.
Re: Construction Lot (edit) by zodiac	<~> 167.206.181.179	9-Jan-06/10:58 AM
the wet trash can cross it but you cannot, do not. in my heart twice in S1 does not seem intentional, and maybe should be an edit. drop "just" from S3 L1; it's a filler word. nice linebreak at S3 L2 beautiful ending. love it that mirror sky subtextually tells me about the puddles, the melt in warming March.
Re: Pledge by http://mulberryfairy	lmp 141.154.134.3	9-Jan-06/11:13 AM
i always wondered, who offers therapy to the therapist? i mean, some of the disturbing stuff that one may hear in a session, although clinically is not supposed to stick, does. and if the therapist is in a por mental health state, that would be dangerous... interesting piece on what i presume to be your work. must be frustrating to split off from yourself like that, but a neccessity at the same time.
Re: Flicking by INTRANSIT	lmp 141.154.134.3	9-Jan-06/11:23 AM
was this ammended/edited? some of the comments don't seem to make sense... i like this one, and after a couple of reads i get the thrill... specially liking the last 2 lines. p.s. yeah, i know the stallone movie. cheesy in my opinion.
Re: [] by Prince of Void	Nicholas Jones 86.135.254.59	9-Jan-06/11:56 AM
Sorry, this is pretty bad, and nicking bits from Dylan Thomas generally isn't a good plan. That's why Thomas, through being a genius, held Welsh poetry back for about thirty years.
Re: portrait of powerlessness by digipoet	Nicholas Jones 86.135.254.59	9-Jan-06/11:59 AM
This one actually has some interesting writing, though your last line is entirely superfluous.
regarding some deleted poem...	LilMsLadyPoet 64.12.116.69	9-Jan-06/12:53 PM
I have freely acknowledged that puncuation within poetry is a thorn in my side. Any thoughts? Specifically, any thoughts that may be helpful?
Re: Reckoning by <~>	zodiac 209.193.14.113	9-Jan-06/3:24 PM
"netted, complicit, wooden and pushed about" is great. The rest of the last stanza should go, says me.
Re: Reckoning by <~>	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	9-Jan-06/4:16 PM
Has a groovy beat poem feel to it. It was pleasant to read but nothing much really stuck with me except the lines Zodiac already mentioned.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Jan-06/6:45 PM
Yea, it's about how we feel, not all this rightness and wrongness crap. We all have something we choose not to blame - mood swings, Tourette's syndrone, dyslexia. Of such Tolstoy would be proud, and frome us as Anna Karenina, Napolian or The Emoticon in 600 poages.
Re: The Dark Days of Aristotle by somemorepoetry	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Jan-06/6:49 PM
The world was too populated or Aristotle, and today not populated enough, some say. Think I'll go east, back to the green hills of Tennessee.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Jan-06/6:56 PM
The punctuation would be improved, I think, by eliminating the capitals at line beginnings, all but the starts of sentences. I think, against common belief, that all punctuation in a poem like this is unnecessary, save a few, because you have placed line breaks mostly where pauses belong, with or without punctuation.
Re: [] by Prince of Void	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Jan-06/7:00 PM
I hate all this giddy positive attitude psychology in the face of despair. Can't you just show the empty abomination in everything and the voidness of even thinking of anything as good or bad?
Re: Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Jan-06/7:02 PM
Get your grammar somewhere close to common acceptance, and I'll say something about what you said.