Re: Reckoning by <~>	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Jan-06/7:07 PM
"I have ifs, and you have me," What a way to live. Yet it's too often true.
Re: Cocoon by Caducus	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Jan-06/7:13 PM
You've caped all line beginnings except Line 4. Thirty two should be thirty-two. I like hso hoping/longing in the last few lines.
Re: Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	9-Jan-06/7:22 PM
2nd to last line- sun's These are excellent. It IS good to be like moss. Are you still in transit? How do you find time to write so much? Do you drive around with a phrase in your head all day until you get to take a break, then scramble to get it on paper?
regarding some deleted poem...	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	9-Jan-06/7:25 PM
well said
Re: The Dark Days of Aristotle by somemorepoetry	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	9-Jan-06/7:26 PM
nice plot twist
regarding some deleted poem...	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	9-Jan-06/7:29 PM
songlike. Seems you could tighten up some of the language.
Re: [] by Prince of Void	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	9-Jan-06/7:32 PM
why not spell out p.o.v.- we had to scroll to the right anyway for the honking last line
Re: Reckoning by <~>	Shuushin 65.175.189.204	9-Jan-06/7:36 PM
Lovely, tastey words prettily played.
Re: Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	9-Jan-06/7:36 PM
I didn't get this use of "retain" False snow on an allotment to retain, perhaps or to retain warmth sorry for being so traditionalist, but the "+" and the date were eyesores it was good in spite of all that.
Re: Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT	Shuushin 65.175.189.204	9-Jan-06/7:39 PM
Quite great, mostly; I could do without "playing" and a few other doubly described words that keep this less poetic while staying poignant - a personal preference only.
Re: Reckoning by <~>	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	9-Jan-06/7:40 PM
powerful and real- I'm totally believing it. I like the lightness and how you play it with the reality that it is serious and painful, too.
Re: I, Ann Boleyn by http://mulberryfairy	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Jan-06/8:30 PM
Funny
Re: floss every day by digipoet	PoeticXTC 205.188.116.139	9-Jan-06/8:32 PM
lol, k. Touchin' rearly ever touched ground
Re: portrait of powerlessness by digipoet	Dovina 69.175.32.104	9-Jan-06/8:37 PM
Try leaving off the last line, or make it the title.
Re: He Kissed Me by PoeticXTC	digipoet 71.82.119.230	9-Jan-06/9:00 PM
i like it the emotion is strong i'd maybe cut the last two stanzas though.
Re: portrait of powerlessness by digipoet	PoeticXTC 205.188.116.139	9-Jan-06/9:14 PM
The History of Tyranny or is that tyrany???!!!!! Lmao!
Re: the light of a truly bright day by digipoet	cyan9 217.40.63.105	10-Jan-06/1:21 AM
Accurate description, but the bullet like/ rapid statements dont bring you out into the bright day, a softer final sentance might add some relief e.g The persistance of night was overcome, I'm sure with nicer language you could do better than that example, but I do think the structure could be altered to massively improve this piece
Re: portrait of powerlessness by digipoet	cyan9 217.40.63.105	10-Jan-06/1:28 AM
Didn't like ending on the word sadism, would have voted [8-9] if the last line was secrecy, sadism, shame
Re: Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones	cyan9 217.40.63.105	10-Jan-06/2:52 AM
Fresh, and spattered with emotions and scraps of thoughts that seem like they have gone straight from the head to the page.
Re: I, Ann Boleyn by http://mulberryfairy	richa 81.178.226.106	10-Jan-06/3:45 AM
Ace. You don't have to mention the conception of an heir bit, that is implicit in the whole Henry VIII and Anne boleyn simile. I don't think the repetition of callused works either. If the man works trucks let the reader work out where the calluses come from.