Re: Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones	richa 81.178.226.106	10-Jan-06/3:50 AM
When will the images come/And where will (they) come from. A damp day confounds the season(s) Or so my colleague(s) say; Or so my colleague says; The whole See such vulgar people as footballers./ Or so my colleague say;/I can’t recognise the overpaid fuckers. I quite cack handed. Sorry if that was fallacious/and I was pathetic. is a play on pathetic fallacy but why is fallacious the correct word for this poem.
Re: Flicking by INTRANSIT	richa 81.178.226.106	10-Jan-06/4:03 AM
Third stanza would replace 'all the while keeping my eyes fixed' with 'my eyes fixed'. Might shift up and roll on a bit. Otherwise you have 4 words to 4 lines.
Re: Tulip by richa	cyan9 217.40.63.105	10-Jan-06/5:36 AM
What on earth is this???
Re: Reckoning by <~>	lmp 141.154.134.3	10-Jan-06/7:47 AM
could it be a crush? more likely a power struggle... dont have much time now, but will think on it. i can feel the frustration and anger, yet those emotions are delivered with the delicateness of one who is as you have written in the last verse. nicely done.
Re: Reckoning by <~>	INTRANSIT 205.188.116.69	10-Jan-06/7:52 AM
'Mornin. be over in a minute and I'm bringing something for one of the short story forums.
Re: Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones	zodiac 209.193.18.119	10-Jan-06/7:57 AM
The best part is how you misspelled "letch" in the title.
Re: I, Ann Boleyn by http://mulberryfairy	INTRANSIT 205.188.116.69	10-Jan-06/8:02 AM
Poems like this make me so proud to be male. not
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 209.193.18.119	10-Jan-06/8:22 AM
Get some verb-tense agreement in here. Also, fix stanzas 2 and 6 so they're (or they're part of) real sentences. Otherwise, good. Fluff, but good.
Re: Tulip by richa	zodiac 209.193.18.119	10-Jan-06/8:26 AM
The poor tulip boy has poor taste that he loves his patch and his trowel and spade and his landlord, the dame that he sells to in the market his red and yellow flames. I am a poor tulip boy with not a purse nor a name, made to grow tulips in clay and sleep in my shoes on a poor tulip boy wage, happy to sell none today. You're welcome. Nice.
Re: The chestnut by richa	zodiac 209.193.18.119	10-Jan-06/8:27 AM
I liked the original better.
Re: I, Ann Boleyn by http://mulberryfairy	zodiac 209.193.18.119	10-Jan-06/8:28 AM
Anne Boleyn is the easiest historical figure.
Re: Oh Verrazano by Joe-joe	<~> 167.206.181.179	10-Jan-06/8:35 AM
there are some nice moments here. i especially enjy\oy the metaphor of the steel and iron as her dress. i think that the rhyme you use distractst he reader. since it came first, i looked for the whole thing to have rhythm and rhyme, and was a little disappointed when it didn't hold throughout.
regarding some deleted poem...	<~> 167.206.181.179	10-Jan-06/8:39 AM
good solution to the set-up.
Re: Mittens by somemorepoetry	<~> 167.206.181.179	10-Jan-06/8:53 AM
when mittens turn, they fall? the title into the first line misleads me. i know what you are talking about, i just don't like the stretch.
Re: Sleep It All Away by somemorepoetry	<~> 167.206.181.179	10-Jan-06/8:55 AM
you say you just need a friend. man, that's the worst place to be, ever. wrap her up in that blanket, why don't you.
Re: After the Storm by somemorepoetry	<~> 167.206.181.179	10-Jan-06/8:58 AM
"And shoved in to rest in the silt from the north Fields grown tired with potatoes." really nice work, here.
Re: light [edited] by lmp	<~> 167.206.181.179	10-Jan-06/9:04 AM
still, it's not a complete image, even if it is a lovely one. the hard-ass in me wants a complete image from my haiku.
Re: Desperate Season by Sisterwolf	Stephen Robins 84.13.39.68	10-Jan-06/9:10 AM
Like swallowing a gigantic glass of swamped bed linen.
Re: She Crab by http://mulberryfairy	<~> 167.206.181.179	10-Jan-06/9:14 AM
"She flips suddenly, too soon, the child startles back " the child flips, or the crab flips? I can't tell if the crab is/was alive/dead, and i want to know. clarifying this will clarify all. i agree about the too, too solid flesh; i don't see it as solid at all. that being said, this is a great moment. you dropped us right into it.
Re: The copper man and Labrador by Caducus	Stephen Robins 84.13.39.68	10-Jan-06/9:15 AM
No poor person owns a golden labrador, the poem therefore has no resonance with anything I have ever experienced and I work in Mayfair for fucks sake. Complete rubbish, kindly change to a mongrel.