| Re: Pledge by http://mulberryfairy |
<~> 167.206.181.179 |
10-Jan-06/9:19 AM |
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you made me laugh with this one. and you made me ask myself who i am, damn you.
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| Re: The Dark Days of Aristotle by somemorepoetry |
<~> 167.206.181.179 |
10-Jan-06/9:27 AM |
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please, explain what this means:
Where thereâs smoke, thereâs fire, he said
Together with his long name and
Cigarette brand.
i don't understand why he would say his name and cigarette brand. or am i getting it all wrong?
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| Re: Untitled by http://mulberryfairy |
<~> 167.206.181.179 |
10-Jan-06/9:30 AM |
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i like the dream litany. i don't understand how the nightmare protects you, though.
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| Re: He Looks Great In Lycra by GAY AS FU*K |
Caducus 172.214.77.230 |
10-Jan-06/9:33 AM |
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| Re: Oh Verrazano by Joe-joe |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
10-Jan-06/10:37 AM |
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Maybe it should be "low wage" rather than "no wage."
And maybe "fell from her" not "for her."
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| Re: Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones |
ecargo 167.219.0.143 |
10-Jan-06/10:40 AM |
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Wow--must be Olde Poemranker Players week here. Welcome back. I haven't been here in ages either (work? pique?), so know what you mean about starting again.
I like "iron January" (usually it is anyway)--the rest is very drafty (as in first pass) and with some tweaking will probably reveal it's form. Neither fallacious nor pathetic.
TAFKAHattersHare
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| Re: Comment on Avian 'flu by Stephen Robins |
ecargo 167.219.0.143 |
10-Jan-06/10:42 AM |
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| Re: I, Ann Boleyn by http://mulberryfairy |
ecargo 167.219.0.143 |
10-Jan-06/10:43 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
10-Jan-06/10:46 AM |
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Nice beginning. Could leave out "always" and the () around proximity. The ending is good too, but switching metaphors is troubling.
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| Re: Tulip by richa |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
10-Jan-06/10:52 AM |
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with neither a purse nor a name
or
with not a purse or a name
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| Re: the light of a truly bright day by digipoet |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
10-Jan-06/10:58 AM |
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I agree. But a clever twist would be nice - maybe, A bright cloudy day, or somesuch.
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| Re: Oh Verrazano by Joe-joe |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
10-Jan-06/11:16 AM |
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Find stuff that is more unique to this bridge so that it can't be applied to any other bridge. Kudos for choosing to write about a bridge in Brooklyn that's not the Brooklyn Bridge.
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| Re: Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT |
INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67 |
10-Jan-06/11:39 AM |
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Any last crits? It's gong in the mail today. Thanks guys!
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| Re: Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT |
somemorepoetry 130.160.184.150 |
10-Jan-06/12:32 PM |
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Very nice. I've been to the Birmingham Botanical Gardens many times. I had to walk down that gravel path barefoot once -- long story. And I've always wanted to fish in the Japanese Pond.
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| Re: 3am by Nicholas Jones |
PoeticXTC 152.163.100.135 |
10-Jan-06/12:57 PM |
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| Re: Reckoning by <~> |
MacFrantic 207.200.116.65 |
10-Jan-06/1:32 PM |
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Second stanza is particularly brilliant, as are the others. Remarkable. *10*
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| Re: Flow by zodiac |
ecargo 167.219.0.142 |
10-Jan-06/3:09 PM |
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This is great. Small things: corn rows should probably be two words (otherwise it's the hairstyle, no?); is unmoored quite it?--are they drifting in this dream, undone? killer ending and a richness of imagery and sounds.
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| Re: Flow by zodiac |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
10-Jan-06/3:57 PM |
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That is a deep scar. Watch out if the tide gets too high or too low.
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| Re: Daylight at Dawn by D. $ Fontera |
zodiac 209.193.18.119 |
10-Jan-06/7:07 PM |
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Of all the things just for rhyme in this one, "if not to read one more?" is the most worrisome.
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| Re: Witch's Brew by ecargo |
zodiac 209.193.18.119 |
10-Jan-06/7:09 PM |
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This got better. First stanza needs a rewrite.
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