| Re: Reckoning by <~> |
amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37 |
16-Jan-06/9:54 AM |
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| Re: Racism 2 by Dovina |
richa 81.178.206.194 |
16-Jan-06/3:14 PM |
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I gather this poem is about a white person who goes to a black inner-city and buys a greasy hot dog and liquor store stuff and is treated well by the black people. The black people would like when they visit the middle-class white person's town to be treated the same way but they are not. It is just not a very realistic scenario.
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| Re: A Haiku by amanda_dcosta |
richa 81.178.206.194 |
16-Jan-06/3:18 PM |
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This is a meta-ku if anything.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
zodiac 209.193.14.154 |
17-Jan-06/10:10 AM |
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Change one of the "answered"s. The last stanza is great, if coming a mile off.
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| Re: A tribute to our most precious Pearl by amanda_dcosta |
zodiac 209.193.14.154 |
17-Jan-06/10:13 AM |
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Good work, Amanda. I especially like the first and seventh verses (though "did be" should just be "were"). Nice.
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| Re: Reap by ecargo |
zodiac 209.193.14.154 |
17-Jan-06/10:14 AM |
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This is really great, biteme. My only suggestion: wreathe should be wreath.
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| Re: They Knew Me From Adam by D. $ Fontera |
zodiac 209.193.14.154 |
17-Jan-06/10:17 AM |
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Lose some of the throwaway phrases and commentary - "But, of course, it is harder than you can imagine," "over, yet again," the last bit. Otherwise, nice.
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| Re: Do 20 always make this poem sense? by Prince of Void |
zodiac 209.193.14.154 |
17-Jan-06/10:20 AM |
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This poem does not make sense.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
zodiac 209.193.14.154 |
17-Jan-06/10:23 AM |
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Great, but - "fascinated with chicken wings"?
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| Re: Sky All Around Me (goddess edit) by ecargo |
zodiac 209.193.14.154 |
17-Jan-06/10:28 AM |
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On a Friends rerun I saw last night, there's a morbid zoo custodian who addresses an opossum as "enigma of the trees, upside-down denizen of the night." This reminded me of that a little.
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| Re: A Haiku by amanda_dcosta |
zodiac 209.193.14.154 |
17-Jan-06/10:33 AM |
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1Tell 2me 3more, 4tell 5me 6more
1A 2hai 3ku's 4some 5thing 6I 7don't 8know.
1A 2-5 3-7 4-5 5or 6so?
Nice. A good commentary on the limitations of haiku-length.
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| Re: angst of the saints by calliope |
zodiac 209.193.14.154 |
17-Jan-06/10:39 AM |
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A publisher's eye is defined by what sells. That is, what people buy, what they like. Don't make it publishers' fault.
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| Re: regret by FreeFormFixation |
zodiac 209.193.14.154 |
17-Jan-06/10:43 AM |
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"Integration" and your children makes this about schools' racial integration. The rest makes it about not letting go of the '20s.
I know what you're saying. "Integration" is what needs to go.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
17-Jan-06/11:18 AM |
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Very nice. I haven't seen a rabbit-snare in a long time - cruel devices they are. Mate-less could be mateless, I think. Not sure I get the copper part or the wire, when twine was used before - maybe they were caught in a wire fence.
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| Re: regret by FreeFormFixation |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
17-Jan-06/11:19 AM |
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I get mixed race children out of it. It's nice whether it's read slow or fast.
Have you seen the new Kanye West video?
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| Re: The Epitaph by vulcan |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
17-Jan-06/11:23 AM |
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The first three lines don't quite make sense. As it progresses, it gets better.
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| Re: A Haiku by amanda_dcosta |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
17-Jan-06/11:44 AM |
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"Tell me more, tell me more, that you don't got her preg
Tell me more, tell me more, cause he sounds like a drag" -Grease
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| Re: Sky All Around Me (goddess edit) by ecargo |
ALChemy 24.74.101.159 |
17-Jan-06/11:57 AM |
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Make the flow of both stanzas more consistant with each other.
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| Re: Where the Hell Did I Put My Glasses? by Joe-joe |
Dovina 69.175.32.104 |
17-Jan-06/1:07 PM |
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Fastened to a desk
in an old unused trailer
a pen and paper cup
read like memoirs,
bound there by concoction
of sugar and ten-year-old coffee.
Written by unsteady hands
on an old keyboard,
and rummaged files for lost reports,
thumbed frantically the company phone listing -
hands that no longer toil for an annual wage
but steadily hold the daily tabloid at arms length.
just a suggestion.
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| Re: Jailbird by zodiac |
ecargo 167.219.0.143 |
17-Jan-06/1:45 PM |
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You've got such a great "eye" for details. This is good. I bet it'll end up even better. Was the repeat of "redecorated" deliberate?
Jails are seldom on main streets (other than holding cells in police stations)--even county jails are behind gates and wires and fences, so there'd be no storefronts, generally, and no sidewalks to pace. Am I taking this way more literally than you mean it? I sometimes do that; miss the metaphor.
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