Re: Racism 3 by Dovina	pollywolly 62.30.170.78	15-Jan-06/2:22 PM
this is really good, i read this first then pt2&1 and prefer this. the opening is powerful and makes you want to read on while this powerful message is drawn to the end in same way. very blunt language used to good effect. well done
Re: Racism 3 by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	15-Jan-06/2:43 PM
Is this the one where you fight Mr.T? Gettin' better.
Re: Racism 3 by Dovina	zodiac 216.67.6.38	15-Jan-06/4:10 PM
They did, didn't they? Add a stanza: How is what she thought TRUE?
Re: Do 20 always make this poem sense? by Prince of Void	Dovina 209.247.222.93	15-Jan-06/5:03 PM
To answer your title question, no. It would help to get the grammar right; but even then, I don't see that it makes sense.
Re: Whenever Forever Is by Enkidu	Dovina 209.247.222.86	15-Jan-06/8:13 PM
This is good,but I think present tense would be better than dodging, drinking, ratioining, etc.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 209.247.222.86	15-Jan-06/8:16 PM
Do you mean "snowflake"? I like leaflorn. I think the semicolons can go.
Re: They Knew Me From Adam by D. $ Fontera	Dovina 209.247.222.86	15-Jan-06/8:18 PM
When you use a twist on a cliche in your title, I expect to find some allusion to the cliche in the poem. I like the third verse.
regarding some deleted poem...	ecargo 172.156.147.17	15-Jan-06/9:52 PM
A nice lyricism to this.
Re: Racism 3 by Dovina	ecargo 172.156.147.17	15-Jan-06/9:56 PM
I like this better than the others--a little more oblique but more effective for it. "Two became one flesh" is a cliche; might want to recast in more original words. Maybe start off with a stronger word than "It"--what hit like an asteroid? Stands in for the real word, which is always less direct and, thus, effective.
Re: A tribute to our most precious Pearl by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	16-Jan-06/1:33 AM
This is a poem I wrote last year (21st Jan), while on the train, on my way to my Grandma's funeral. Her name is Pearl Heldt, and she was such a wonderful person to me and my family, and it was with deep sorrow and gratitude that I wrote this. You might find a lot of portions need editing, but I have kept it this way, unedited, due to the fact that I wrote it spontaneously, within 15 - 20 min. for her. All the same, critiques view is welcome. We will be celebrating her 1st death anniversary on the 20th Jan. May her soul rest in peace.
regarding some deleted poem...	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	16-Jan-06/1:43 AM
Hmmm, now what do I say? Is this from real life experiences that have had a beautifully, strong outpouring of love being described? Looks to me like it is. I'm quite impressed by the choice of comparitive characters. By the way, where's the reference to " Naked Gods" that dovina has pointed out to, or has this piece been edited? ( Sorry Dovina, am not trying to point out anything against you.)
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	16-Jan-06/3:09 AM
Change "moulded" to something like welded or fused. Moulding doesn't work that way. Mould means to cast. Did Egyptian gods knight people? Did you know Lucifer and Venus are the same celestial object? Aphrodite and Venus are pretty much the same goddess. Still it sounds very beautiful.
Re: A tribute to our most precious Pearl by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	16-Jan-06/3:18 AM
You have validated her work in my opinion.
Re: Reap by ecargo	Dovina 209.247.222.94	16-Jan-06/6:10 AM
I see a rural harvest time in a hollow, but miss the point, if it's more than that.
Re: Green things by ecargo	Dovina 209.247.222.94	16-Jan-06/6:24 AM
I'd rather you did not delete the comments when you make a revision. If you make a major revision, like this one, it seems better to post it as a new poem. Better than the first.
regarding some deleted poem...	<~> 167.206.181.179	16-Jan-06/9:07 AM
this is lovely. i like the way you reversed the language in S2.
Re: A LOVER’S TORMENT by anushree	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	16-Jan-06/9:32 AM
Very beautifully worded. may be a bit forced, but on the whole you could justify your choice of words. Your presentation of the theme is what stands out. Good work.
Re: Green things by ecargo	<~> 167.206.181.179	16-Jan-06/9:35 AM
"none to straddle worlds or shoulder skies." is a great line. "We break us like ice;" is unclear; what do you mean by this?
Re: THE NIGHT STAGE by anushree	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	16-Jan-06/9:36 AM
Not quite specific and structured as your previous piece. Somehow the punch is missing.
Re: A SURREAL DEPREDATION! by anushree	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.37	16-Jan-06/9:42 AM
Sorry, but I am unable to connect with this poem. Phrases are good, but somehow it doesn't balance on the whole.