Poemranker [Poem: Racism 3] [by Dovina] Thu Nov 21 22:18:14 PST 2024

It hit like an asteroid, penetrating the sphere, and two became one flesh. Her destiny grew as stated, her course and color set. They knew she could never know the others because their knowledge came from better stock, or their outcomes self adjusted, so they said that what she thought was false.

[7] pollywolly @ 62.30.170.78 | 15-Jan-06/2:22 PM | Reply

this is really good, i read this first then pt2&1 and prefer this. the opening is powerful and makes you want to read on while this powerful message is drawn to the end in same way. very blunt language used to good effect. well done

[n/a] Dovina @ 209.247.222.92 > pollywolly | 15-Jan-06/2:30 PM | Reply

Thanks.
For those who have not followed this exciting series:
Racism: http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=124271
Racism 2: http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=136882

[8] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 | 15-Jan-06/2:43 PM | Reply

Is this the one where you fight Mr.T?

Gettin' better.

[7] zodiac @ 216.67.6.38 | 15-Jan-06/4:10 PM | Reply

They did, didn't they? Add a stanza: How is what she thought TRUE?

[7] ecargo @ 172.156.147.17 | 15-Jan-06/9:56 PM | Reply

I like this better than the others--a little more oblique but more effective for it. "Two became one flesh" is a cliche; might want to recast in more original words. Maybe start off with a stronger word than "It"--what hit like an asteroid? Stands in for the real word, which is always less direct and, thus, effective.