Imagery is good, though I believe it picked up pace only by the second half.

enjoyed the story.

oof

so it sounds like loss of virginity is a disease and a degradation to some uninformed people like this girl who took the extreme way out....funny as hell, O Bear God!!

I think the title should be "Pessimism & Projections.". The poem is direct, simple-- lacking perhaps a little creative flare it still possesses the savage spark none-the-less. Eight.

I lived that moment once before... and many times after. The poem doesn't feel random or lacking to me at all. Then again, I'm perhaps an altogether different breed. Ten.

Make it a glass pipe and we got something. Seven.

Tsk tsk. Have you ever sampled the delights of a Shit-Crumpet good sir? Its delectable flavour causes one to dismiss entirely all other confections available to the senses-- and of this I can assure you!

Yeah, I've endured that diet... I suspect my guts will rumble one day in revolt.

Heh. How dare you be catchy in order to seduce hallmark cads to offer cash! Tsk. Here's an eight, you hallmark whore!

I really don't get what you're trying to convey here. Ditto Blindpoetry, really. Do you know too much or too little? Or if that's the basis of your conundrum, help me realize that better. Comes off as pretentious and empty.

"Soon, or much later": Pick either _soon_, or _much later_. It gnaws at me. That aside, it's a exquisite piece that's got a lot of soul and personal depth. Nine.

Robotic spasms! Tsk. Seven.

I think you should play with it more.. doesn't quite snap-pop like zen. Seven.

Plenty of imagery, esoteric symbolism and word play-- unfortunately crouched in the shadows, vague near to the point of meaninglessness. Seven.

I say we prefer rough'n dirty penetration 'cause it's better than solitary masturbation!

you either know or you don't know.

yup.. make his enemies feel pain.. 8

this will definitely be revised at some point, or pried apart. It wants to be two poems, but a delicate touch is needed to seperate the conjoined sisters.

I've been poeming a lot since ... last Friday, I think. I hit on a new voice in a few of them, and I'm trying to figure that out--but in the meantime, thoughts seem to be wanting to express themselves in this form. This is a thought, not something that's looking for publication, so it's not hidden for future re-working. In fact, as I'm listening to some beautiful YouTube mash-ups [[ http://thru-you.com/ ]] by a person named (or calling himself) Kutiman, I'd love to create some sort of dialog out of it. So: I hereby release the poem and its accompanying audio into the public domain; if you see some promise in either, do with them as thou wilt. And I'd love to know what you think. :) I'm particularly unhappy with s3--I don't think it says what it needs to, but my thoughts started to falter (and my rhythm, though a part of me hopes that works ;) ). And perhaps I don't explore the metaphor (if it's really a metaphor) enough in the first two stanzas... and the fear is important, but I just touch on it (that was supposed to be the core as much as the "sounds", but it didn't go that way).