I revised this 5 times in the last 10 minutes. I'll stop for now to await comments, but I still haven't got the final line right. Not to mention the rest of the poem.

LOVE this poem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's not so terrible, has a good ring when read aloud. gets mundane in the middle and not as good in the end. the beginning is good. don't listen to those jerks. what may help also, right in a code,images. say the person has blue eyes, you could write "lovely blue jay you flew away before you even landed you left my branches bare i tried to catch you but you're too cunning emptiness makes my heart tare" just a suggestion helps make the poem reading and writing more fun and interesting.

This is great. Everybody else are cunt-holes.

Beautiful and real. "flute through the easy powder"?

3rd verse is the best. Fourth verse typo "ache"?

Lovely and rueful, but the second line I don't really understand - is it the wind making the elm trace the love making name on the wall?

There a plenty of things I don't understand here - I'm being very stupid today, blame it on jet lag as I've just flown back from New York. For one, the title is meaningless to me; secondly, I have no idea what you mean about your trip to the store being handbasketed. However, I love the first stanza and the conversational tone of this.

Your argument didn't really get you anywhere did it? Neither did your poem. This is a tiresome subject tiresomely recounted.

I fully expect to hear this lyric attached to a Miley Cyrus song soon. I don't mean this as a compliment.

A lovely stare? Lovely forced rhyme, more like it.

I love Hafiz or Hafez. Can't comment on your translation, but love the man, unless all you translators have added wine guzzling heresy and passionate sex to a hermit.

I loved your wordplay, and am trying to get the movement of your non-sequiturs.

I agree, I thought?

Perfect except for the "never, never" repetition, I don't think it needed the clarification about the last juncture/ kiss goodnight thing.

translated from whose writing?

I like the placement of your punctuation- how it makes each phrase part of the line and part of a more complete thought with their different meanings.

On rare occasions, your ability to write almost manages to break through into something you've posted here.

Aphricka is my favourite land aplenty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF!!!!????!!!!