Re: The King Of Loserville by mindsigns	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	7-Mar-06/9:18 AM
You should cut down on the use of "I" to a bare minimum. It creates a kind of drone within a poem, when used too much. Also, the way you describe this loser is cliche: trekkie, living with mom & pop, needs to get laid... Try to be a little more creative. Overall, I give it a six.
Re: Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis II by SupremeDreamer	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Mar-06/9:38 AM
Chunky...well I honestly am going to have to come back to this later (I've already read it twice and still missed a load of what's in there). It reads quickly like it ought to be angry prose. Personally I'd prefer to see you not use "'n", mainly because it gets awkward to spit out fast - "reason 'n..." has to become "reasonun", which sounds awful. As I said, I'll return and (maybe) have something useful to say, until then have a seven as a mark of the fact that I was actually interested enough to read this twice.
Re: Seawards by ecargo	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Mar-06/9:42 AM
I'm not sure what's changed...ergo I re-grace you with a nine.
Re: War on Iraq by Dhanesh M Kumar	zodiac 206.174.124.170	7-Mar-06/9:55 AM
Inta 3raqi? 3rab?
Re: War on Iraq by Dhanesh M Kumar	ecargo 167.219.88.140	7-Mar-06/10:27 AM
Not a 10, but not a zero, so for the sake of balance: Needs a stronger focus or pivot; less rant, more center/substance/something to grip, entice us in. The emotion's there, but it's more diatribe than poem right now.
Re: Spam by Blade	Fayt 141.157.35.222	7-Mar-06/10:45 AM
wtf..
Re: Exsqueeze Me? Baking Powder? by Yardbird	Fayt 141.157.35.222	7-Mar-06/10:46 AM
wow, funny... zero...
Re: 0 by MacFrantic	Fayt 141.157.35.222	7-Mar-06/10:47 AM
made me chuckle... its ok. 7.
Re: Janine (a set of haikus) by capachijim	Fayt 141.157.35.222	7-Mar-06/10:48 AM
I love each one of these. Excellent work. A+. 10/10!
Re: ~Tildoe~ by Thom	Fayt 141.157.35.222	7-Mar-06/10:51 AM
...
Re: II by D. $ Fontera	Fayt 141.157.35.222	7-Mar-06/10:52 AM
Very Nice.
regarding some deleted poem...	Fayt 141.157.35.222	7-Mar-06/10:53 AM
and this is a haiku how?
Re: My first Haiku by DJCopasetic	Fayt 141.157.35.222	7-Mar-06/10:53 AM
Simple, yet funny. I like it. =)
Re: Consolation by Dovina	Fayt 141.157.35.222	7-Mar-06/10:59 AM
Pure Excellence.
Re: letting go too much by calliope	Dovina 69.175.32.104	7-Mar-06/12:13 PM
The last line cliche is disappointment.
Re: thanks for shutting up by FreeFormFixation	Dovina 69.175.32.104	7-Mar-06/12:14 PM
Great title.
Re: Whom I Adore by Hawaiian Lust	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Mar-06/12:44 PM
Welcome to poemranker! The poem -- It's a very sweet sentiment; I'm genuinely glad that you have someone to write about - and long may it last. However, poetically this is in for some criticism. It is a typical 'first post' on poemranker (mine was no better), and as you look round at other poems here you will see that the rhymes have been used a million times before. I have absolutely no doubt that the rhymes are original to you - we all start somewhere - but if you want the reader to sit up and pay attention to what you're saying you will need to find something new, something vividly interesting. 'You/true', 'tears/fears', 'love/above' in particular feature in probably 75 percent of rhyming poetry. The trick is to let your imagination run riot; invent new metaphors (allegorical writing gets you bonus points every time), new ways of looking at a situation. I've found that just writing free verse is the best way of starting at this; it allows you to write without constraining yourself too much to metre and rhyme. Another point specific to this poem is that it opens with you addressing one person, but you then turn to the rest of us and start talking to us about him. Keep some consistency to it; personally I wouldn't include the first stanza. Also - this is a universal suggestion - try to limit the amount of pronouns you use. Especially if you want to write something to which the reader can relate, it doesn't help if you say 'I' every line (it gets a bit tedious to read as well). Okay, so I've given a bit of critique (which I hope will be of use to you), now let me tell you what I liked in here. 'Tough love for my own sake' is good, stanza 11 is quite pretty, and stanzas 7 and 8 put a smile on my face. So anyway, with any luck what I've said will be helpful; have a read round here - look at some of the top poems on the site and draw inspiration from the ideas and styles. It will be worth it!
Re: Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis II by SupremeDreamer	Dovina 69.175.32.104	7-Mar-06/12:53 PM
I was starting to get into this - understand your viewpoint, when I hit Verse 5 and the sudden introduction of the character "He." Since "brethren" is such a religious-sounding word, I assumed "He" is God and proceeded past the bump. Then as it gets back to your conundrum, I thought of Paul, and his sorting out of mixed pullings in writing to the Corintheans. I don't see this as preaching, even though you're speaking to the brethren, but as trying to settle a chaotic mind. You might want to reword, "do not restrain your tongue, offering words of quick apology or gracious forgiveness & accession," as it seems to conflict a former statement.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 69.175.32.104	7-Mar-06/1:34 PM
I'll comment on the meter, since the rest has been said, and I agree. The meter is great, especially verse 5.
Re: Portals to you by Caducus	Dovina 69.175.32.104	7-Mar-06/2:32 PM
Number disagreement in every verse but 3 i.e., plural/singular. Portals are lint ghosts, for example, not lint ghost. "twelve goodbye's" should be goodbyes. Some missing commas. But I like the dawn of 12 goodbyes.