Re: The Ocean by Fayt	lmp 141.154.134.3	6-Mar-06/12:14 PM
i like this, but i'm going to engage in some semantics here: the ocean doesn't bring life to anyone/anything. in fact, it doesn't bring. life exists because of the ocean's properties, but a fair amount of death happens because of the ocean, also. i like the ocean. i like what you have written. i guess i just see the ocean as a formidable force of nature that can cut in both directions. this haiku shows only one edge of the blade.
Re: The Ocean by Fayt	Dovina 69.175.32.104	6-Mar-06/12:46 PM
Ocean water moves more with its deep currents than with the wind. Perhaps you mean that the apparent movement of waves is with the wind.
Re: my girl's day [tri-ku] by lmp	Dovina 69.175.32.104	6-Mar-06/12:48 PM
Some good thoughts here, but they seem forced into a haiku-mold.
regarding some deleted poem...	ecargo 167.219.88.140	6-Mar-06/1:21 PM
Cool. Find a title--it deserves one.
Re: Piano by Dovina	ecargo 167.219.88.140	6-Mar-06/1:26 PM
Love the idea of the piano as a devouring monster, but I wish it weren't so explicit--i.e., the title and the reference to Yamaha.
Re: Piano by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	6-Mar-06/1:48 PM
You need a more satisfying ending. The rest of it I really liked.
Re: Seawards by ecargo	Niphredil 192.117.117.50	6-Mar-06/2:18 PM
I actually read this out loud to myself; it helped complete a very vivid and beautifully tangible poem. Reminded me I haven't been to the sea in a while... Had to google 'scoters', though, being myself painfully ignorant.
Re: Piano by Dovina	lmp 141.154.134.3	6-Mar-06/2:37 PM
pretty interesting. i think the allegory could be pushed a bit more, with all the references to scales, much they way you "played" on the teeth (double entendre intended). overall, sounds like a traumatic experience....
Re: Piano by Dovina	INTRANSIT 12.36.196.2	6-Mar-06/3:57 PM
Start by taking out all the unecessaries. The -but, the- ands etc. you're really on to something here. I like it. 8.5 though an easy ten. working my way home. Can't wait to get back to "normal". It's been a bad run this time out. Thanks to all for "holding down the fort".
Re: Eagledale Drive by matt door	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Mar-06/4:13 AM
Nice!
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Mar-06/4:18 AM
Car crash as an orchestra? This is fucking awesome! The only thing that even slightly grated was 'quaintly', but let's face it - this is too good for being pedantic. Lines 9 to 11 are incredible (I think 'staff' should be 'stave', but I assume the former is the American spelling.) Killer ending too!
Re: Piano by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Mar-06/4:24 AM
Yes, yes, yes...needs fine tuning (oh dear I didn't even realise how bad a pun that was until after I said it...) but this could be on its way to greatness.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 62.252.32.15	7-Mar-06/4:29 AM
Last four lines I liked.
Re: Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis II by SupremeDreamer	mindsigns 205.188.116.134	7-Mar-06/5:42 AM
Sounds like your preaching to me, I hate lectures. And I don't fancy looking up every other word you write in the dictionary, I'm a simple man and big word don't impress me.
Re: Eagledale Drive by matt door	ecargo 167.219.88.140	7-Mar-06/7:43 AM
Nice--I really like the time jumping, the details: the "dirty hands and surety" and the "cluttered heaven of then."
regarding some deleted poem...	ecargo 167.219.88.140	7-Mar-06/7:46 AM
Very cool! I agree re: the "quaintly fine"--doesn't seem to fit the rest, but overall really fun, even the punchline ending.
Re: letting go too much by calliope	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	7-Mar-06/8:36 AM
Sounds like me and my relationship with methamphetamines... rotten teeth 'n payin for my piper. Then again, perhaps my ability to relate to/comprehend your poem is miserably crippled. Six.
Re: War on Iraq by Dhanesh M Kumar	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	7-Mar-06/8:55 AM
"where thousand of perilous burns," --Perilous what? Wheres the fucking noun man? "to refrain from that fatal burns." --Trying to sound fancy & sophisticated? 'That' is singular, 'burns' being plural... wouldn't it have been more intelligent to say 'those'? Oh, yes, don't forget that the missing noun in the beginning confuses it all, unless you intended it as a noun there too- which still makes little sense. "That they are right as a trivet" --What the fuck? Did you disconnect your brain from your fingers when typing up this shit? "alas happened to be the dweller of that land." --Now this is plain cheesy and fucking gay. I won't bother continuing, other than to add that using 'Envisage' was idiotic, thesaurophilic, & silly. Your views on Iraq are cliched, and frankly I don't give a shit. Zero.
regarding some deleted poem...	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	7-Mar-06/9:03 AM
Groovy. Last two stanzas are my favorite part, not to say that the others weren't cool, [great use of metaphor] but the last two nailed it all in for me. Ten.
Re: Eagledale Drive by matt door	SupremeDreamer 130.65.109.104	7-Mar-06/9:06 AM
Oh! The nostalgia. Written well, but doesn't really tickle my fancy man... sorry. Anyways, here's a seven.