Edna Sweetlove
on Idiot Box by thepinkbunnyofdoom
22 Feb 2013, 9:50 AM
Doggerel has its moments. But not many.
Boring would be a compliment to this.
Edna Sweetlove
on The Ballad of Fraser Allonby Q.C., Barrister-At-Law by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w
22 Feb 2013, 9:51 AM
excellent.
Fucking drivel.
What a loaqd of cunts you all are.
nice finish, but the strokes up there were a bit unschooled—and if that was the point it's too meta for me. ;)
Cute, in that it dances around the subject...but it does so so repetitiously! So repetitiously. As if it were repeating itself, verse after verse, saying the same thing. This needs to say something else, too, or instead. Try some specifics. Make us care about this character, in particular (or make the dance itself more interesting, but even then, it should be more personal).
ah...now we get to the gist of the review...the form is mute. Your need to vent your childish/spitefulness is forefront. No matter how much you SHOUT doesn't make you right. An opinion is valid only with genuine thought.
lol....really LOL...not shouting...just highlighting mirth...
Must have had a really good camera to do that... does the follow up poem of this include the spread of STDs?
You know why you're so mad? Because I didn't declare it the greatest piece I've ever read... What is poetry? You thought to express that in a senryu/haiku? Mr. Haiku would punch you in the face. Honestly, he would. In my hey-day? I'd have awarded you with a fucking zero. Don't get all defensive and BUTT-HURT!!!
Oh shit, did the yelling upset you? ... Fucking asshat. Be thankful this isn't face to face... I'd let you know what yelling sounds like. :D
Ahh... this is ripe for greatness. The theme resonates, yet you didn't exectute it in the best manner.
Speak of the dances that come BEFORE your yearning for the last. Speak of that which inspired you to bother dancing in the first place... And PLEASE let it not be teenaged weariness for fuck sakes. ;/ List them as they come and have them evolve to an acceptance of death. We all grow weary, and all of us shall dance the last dance with sweet lady death, but the life that leads to that is what defines ones' contentedness
with death and the last dance.
Bring in the details! IMAGINE!
5.
It is the TOOL that suffers, fool. Not he who utilizes it. Ever seen the pen/pencil run out? Yeah, that's you.
And no, no one can see your mind except the asshole at the morgue. Till then "one must speak his/her mind."
You speak it like crap. The final stare of darkness would make a mind brittle... yet you're still alive.
?
2.
Oh, or the crazy mofo that kills you and opens your skull!
Fuckin chernobyl. ;/
Yes you the tool.
What a storyteller you are. This, with its connecting poem ‘Love Slain’, attracts me to the story.
Maybe because of fluidity. Maybe because of the immortalization of emotions so raw.
Written so long ago, but it will always sound like yesterday.
I wish you could tell me what comes after, or in between, or even before.
Heyyy!!! Since you're talking about writing and getting published, how about writing poetry for cash? Visit my site for more details towards May 25, 2013. I'm organizing a Tanka competition and there's cash to be won. It's open to all ... www.mandys-pages.com. Contest should start May 25 or June 1. Until then, it's just notices passing around. Stay tuned.
http://www.mandys-pages.com
Jolly good stuff, old chap.
A gorgeous poem which leaves a certain taste in the mouth.