poemranker ::wall flower by Freethinker1602

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Free verse № 159979

wall flower

by Freethinker1602

Member since 2003 · Posted 12 Feb 2013 · 2 comments

My dancing card isn't all full I have one more partner that wants to waltz Another name to add to the card the name death has yet to be written So seductive, entrancing, hypnotic Always beckoning and whispering to my ear Give me your last dance There aren't many names on that dance card it reads my history Every name has a story Each dance ends with bitterness and pain So seductive, entrancing, hypnotic Always beckoning, and whispering to my ear Give me your last dance This party has its ups and downs Even during good times, the downs still haunt I want to stop dancing, maybe with the end of the last dance The grief will end So seductive, entrancing, hypnotic Always beckoning, and whispering to my ear Give me your last dance I have weathered the ups and downs, I have bounced, rocked, never quit My last dance partner always in wait but not quiet He won't take no for an answer, and I don't want to say no

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mean 3.33 weighted 4.80 rank 11115 views 177 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

2 comments

[4] nentwined 11-Mar-13/1:41 AM Reply
Cute, in that it dances around the subject...but it does so so repetitiously! So repetitiously. As if it were repeating itself, verse after verse, saying the same thing. This needs to say something else, too, or instead. Try some specifics. Make us care about this character, in particular (or make the dance itself more interesting, but even then, it should be more personal).
[5] SupremeDreamer 27-Mar-13/8:18 PM Reply
Ahh... this is ripe for greatness. The theme resonates, yet you didn't exectute it in the best manner.

Speak of the dances that come BEFORE your yearning for the last. Speak of that which inspired you to bother dancing in the first place... And PLEASE let it not be teenaged weariness for fuck sakes. ;/ List them as they come and have them evolve to an acceptance of death. We all grow weary, and all of us shall dance the last dance with sweet lady death, but the life that leads to that is what defines ones' contentedness
with death and the last dance.

Bring in the details! IMAGINE!

5.