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Love Redefined (Free verse) by Mus Vai
All the rage grows deep in me, The blackened fire waiting to run free, Save me not this devilry, Anger and love hath taken over me. I loved her much, I loved her well, For how much I loved her she could not tell, She ran away for some other's desire, Crushed my soul, set my heart afire. I step inside with blade ahand, For that sloth shall meet her measly end, I walk towards my prey in sight, And touch her with unholy smite. I stand behind with knife raised high, And striketh my hand and maketh her die, A gasp of breath escapeth her lips, And to the ground her sultry figure dips. My knife I thrust into her heart, From pure white body her soul must part, She looks at me through blood-shot eyes, Assuring me I'll someday die. I whisper,"Nay that day is nigh," For killing you I must also die, You killed my dreams, you cursed my life, Cometh my revenge through a deadly knife. But with revenge cometh a price to pay, No choice left but myself to slay, I raise the bloody sinful knife, And with my hand I take my life ..

Up the ladder: Take-Off
Down the ladder: MEANinglessness

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.4
Weighted score: 5.166884
Overall Rank: 5052
Posted: July 2, 2004 8:50 AM PDT; Last modified: July 2, 2004 8:50 AM PDT
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Comments:
[9] arduinn @ 165.21.83.247 | 5-Jul-04/4:45 AM | Reply
well described.. some of the words are used too many times, though.. that kind of marred the poem

in L14, i suggest you change 'striketh my hand' to sth else as 'strike' means 'hit'...
[n/a] Mus Vai @ 165.21.154.15 > arduinn | 7-Jul-04/7:56 AM | Reply
Yeh .. it's sorta what I wanted it to mean.
[n/a] penandpaper @ 220.255.2.123 | 10-May-13/12:00 PM | Reply
What a storyteller you are. This, with its connecting poem ‘Love Slain’, attracts me to the story.
Maybe because of fluidity. Maybe because of the immortalization of emotions so raw.
Written so long ago, but it will always sound like yesterday.

I wish you could tell me what comes after, or in between, or even before.
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