Better in the edit. "some-what" can lose the -

"deed" = "deep"? "known or unknown" is wordy, why not leave it out. Actually, I think "Have you ever travelled / on your own /To some place known" is a good start.

I like the appearance of "Lily" near the end. But why in quotes? The mis-grammar is so consistent that I see it's intentional. By half way through this, I get the style of it, which was confusing at first. I think it's a style that would take either a long poem or a series of poems to make sense of.

the whole event seems a bit dry and distant. as a reader i can relate, but still have trouble caring about the characters. maybe try using some present tense to add immediacy? I disagree with nick about "aware of her insignificance." Although the line tells about feelings that are meaningful, they could be better shown through body language or imagery. the last line is too much information unsupported; what comes before does not adequately suggest a reason for such an extreme result.

Actually all your comments are helpful, I may not agree with you but by leaving these comments you enable me to look and perhaps see things through a new light. In this case I don't agree, but your comments are always appreciated for there honesty.

what was the point of that?

you paint the scene well. but dont do it justice.

once again edna. paint the picture perfectly (probably because you tell it like a short story), but go nowhere with it. i really have to agree with dvincent..its like a story, not a poem. is there a structure to any of your poetry??if their is, please tell me, because i would genuinely like to know. and if you feel like telling me to get lost fine.. but fuck off from my writing too.

total crap

its okay

funny

"Forevermore, nevermore."??????? I sense a severe lack of effort and just like love is enslavement, rhyming seems to have enslaved you.

edna talking crap again. free speech is cool, but thats more like an article in the paper than a poem. it don't deserve its ratings

I like the line "aware of her insignificance" as I can relate. This is how I feel posting on here, though I do still keep going unlike the person of whom you write. If you used some awkward wording in this it might force the reader to feel what she may have felt on the podium.

There's a unique voice to this that I like. This reminds me of the racing current of thoughts through my head when I took mushrooms. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone who has not been in a different state of mind could appreciate this. Very good.

Um, I guess you don't much like her any more.

Did I say before that this reminded me of 'Mr. Tanner'? It's the last line that does it. I'd try and make the last word of each stanza end on a stressed syllable; it feels like it needs a little more finality in the piece.

thats the type of thing you would write straight from your head onto a page when drunk. sorry dame edna

quite good

i really like the 'left an unfinished movement on his piano stool'. i like the first four lines too. but after that ... but come on...'FART'..AGAIN??!! you practically mention them in all your writing.you mention your name again..you mention sex again..you mention the word 'fuck' or a version of it again..