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Do you fit in-to the dark? (Free verse) by Hostileintent
Have you ever travelled or roamed? Maybe even on your own, Travelled at night, when it's dark, When the night makes it all so stark? Have you ever been on a bus, looking out, At the furry lights racing about? I have. It was during the height of my torment. Indeed,it made me feel some-what important. I felt different, I felt strange, I felt as though I had changed. And I liked it. It gave me direction, and it gave me purpose, Sometimes it helped me not to be nervous, Although I know it was only on the surface, For way way down, deep down inside, I no longer fitted & I should hide.

Up the ladder: Birthday
Down the ladder: The man who loved Lennon

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Weighted score: 4.9602656
Overall Rank: 8574
Posted: October 14, 2006 5:23 AM PDT; Last modified: October 14, 2006 10:39 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 12.72.35.8 | 14-Oct-06/10:34 AM | Reply
"deed" = "deep"?

"known or unknown" is wordy, why not leave it out. Actually, I think "Have you ever travelled / on your own /To some place known" is a good start.
[7] Dovina @ 12.72.35.8 | 14-Oct-06/10:46 AM | Reply
Better in the edit. "some-what" can lose the -
[n/a] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 16-Oct-06/12:53 PM | Reply
Have you ever thought of rhyme
As some sort of metric crime?
179 view(s)




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