Craychus
on Painted Air by New Life Drug
7 Oct 2003, 6:50 PM
very visual
wow... simple yet well captured. a ten i say.
hohohoh almost orgasmic! 7!
i hear you.
The sheer genius is in the kneading of the dough. Yeah, so what if I'm into getting my nails done? it's better then using my teeth.
I has a very sweet cadence, one that rings true; a lovely flow.
There are a couple "too easy" references though, which would be nice if tweeked out ("like a summers breeze", "like cool showers in the spring") - and I think "sweet" wants to be an adverb. "flowers in the Fall" is pretty good as describing a torture.
It's a good, honest expression of love - though I haven't fallen in love with it (I'm happy to have it as a good friend).
ha ha haaaAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME? ha haaa ha. try again, that motherfucking poem was more contrived then man on boy sex in the Vatican. Good grief and good riddance... caramel angels ha ha haaahhahah jesus fuckin'hairoweena i've seen it all now. 5.
I am not a religeous person. Quite rather the opposite. I have never considered a nun as a person. This made me do so. The poem is simply put, but so is the subject it describes.
A dastardly piece of factual trivia, bravo. 10.
ha ha ha... more like an earth cracking roar! A six 6, I'm sorry but I've seen you avoid cliches much better than this sack of drowning puppys.
I did like the last line, and I will give you that it made me laugh jovial and all.
A serious piece of serious pieces 10
Well, it made me learn something about Carmelites:
"The Carmelite Missionaries were founded 1860 by Francisco Palau, a Spanish Discalced Carmelite friar.
The Carmelite Missionaries are already present in 38 countries throughout Europe, the Americas, Asia and Africa."
All this time I thought they were a kind of cigarette.
And I didn't know discalced meant sandal-wearing. So, thanks for that.
neato.
You are a primal dunce. And no returns.
There's a great poem in there somewhere That's for sure.
I think I'll feed this silence
With the sounds of my broken heart.
I like that. I love this one. Great.
heartfelt. 8.
my only critique would be it should be compressed by two. In other words each line should take on the line below it doubling each line but making the actual physical poem smaller by a half.