regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 202.6.132.210	19-May-07/4:27 PM
hauntingly mournful -
Re: Snow by MacFrantic	Skamper 202.6.132.210	19-May-07/4:31 PM
I felt the ice
regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 202.6.132.210	19-May-07/4:35 PM
harsh
Re: Yeah by Skamper	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	20-May-07/11:40 AM
who owns God? interesting work, though your syllabic form is off. if the 5-7-5 were intact this would be senryu.
Re: Bookshop girls by Stephen Robins	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	20-May-07/11:43 AM
the first half is funny. the second half is just gratuitous, doesn't really add anything.
Re: Portrait of the artist as [insert adjective] by Nicholas Jones	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	20-May-07/11:46 AM
good idea but this could be a lot more concise.
Re: Snow by MacFrantic	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	20-May-07/11:50 AM
the first two stanzas i like. the word loneliness stands out a bit as telling, not showing, in an otherwise pretty good third stanza. the last three lines really aren't necessary, and the poem would be much better were they omitted.
Re: Final Moon by Caducus	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	20-May-07/11:51 AM
i like.
Re: The Editor by Dovina	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	20-May-07/11:58 AM
this is very prosey. I feel like the first four lines are not really necessary at all, and the last four don't connect very well with the imagery in-between. That said, the middle 8 lines are very nice.
Re: Worn Ruse by drnick	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	20-May-07/12:01 PM
the middle stanza is completely unnecessary. remove it and this piece will be much stronger.
Re: 1945 by nypoet22	Skamper 202.6.130.239	20-May-07/6:37 PM
Is she being executed?
Re: 311006 txt to russia by daniella	daniella 201.212.77.26	20-May-07/8:22 PM
i would edit it, but then lose all ur comments... so it stays as is. but thanx for the feedback!
Re: broken bottles by richa	daniella 201.212.77.26	20-May-07/8:33 PM
it's a barren landscape. i love: brimming with storm but no rejoicing. it makes no sense, but sings.
Re: Grab Out For J. Christ! by Sing4Jesus!	daniella 201.212.77.26	20-May-07/9:19 PM
There are some misconceptions here, that make the zealous hodge podge verses sting even more. God did not make our lives to be worthless. His enemies may have killed Jesus, but according to the New Testament, this was part of God's plan... How else could he have fulfilled the passion? And lastly, because I want to go to sleep, you actually think we could actually hurt the greatest grandest architect...You think it matters if we believe or not?? Only to our own faith... God exists regardless of us, and He or She or whatever our creator is, does not need our votes.
Re: Altitude by half.italian	daniella 201.212.77.26	20-May-07/9:26 PM
i'm sorry, it's just not well written.
Re: The Ascent by somemorepoetry	Dovina 216.77.71.149	21-May-07/12:51 PM
I hope this is about a real mountain experience. It sounds like it is, but you hedge too much. Bring it closer to what ordinary people understand, and give up some of the weird language. Sounds like a good story.
Re: A Future by forsaken	Dovina 216.77.71.149	21-May-07/12:53 PM
Check the spelling and get rid of the duplications.
Re: The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	some deleted user 64.140.229.138	21-May-07/4:38 PM
Great imagery, great rhythm, great read. It deserves a 10 to cancel out that pesky 0.
Re: The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	22-May-07/4:41 AM
pleasant. i like the starting tone, almost a storytelling type of voice. but as the image develops the tone gets much more formal. the two stanzas that start with 'rebuke arose' switch from present tense to past, as well as from concrete imagery to abstract. they interrupt the story's flow more than they add.
regarding some deleted poem...	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	22-May-07/4:46 AM
nice interplay of past, present, future. certain lines, like "the wide horizon of history" are a bit too melodramatic for the sort of feel i think you're going for, but overall a very agreeable piece.