Re: the magic rock by nypoet22	some deleted user 64.140.228.194	22-May-07/8:59 AM
good work. I like anything that bashes Bush--especially when it's done as well as this.
Re: The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	richa 81.178.221.67	22-May-07/9:23 AM
Rebuke arose! Rebuke arose!! like out of the ether or something. Jesus. What an appalling word choice. God knows how a cyclist is a preacher in a wandering soul or what the hell that vague utterance even means. Yet fear thepain of flimsy fence? Do you speak English? Supposed duties of your breed? Is this one of your crazy ideas again that means something to you because it doesn't to the reader. In the weariness of afternoon, as alcohol, so legs draw concentration. WTF. The rest is ok but prosaic.
Re: The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 61.17.21.33	22-May-07/9:35 AM
Have to be honest with you. I don't get half of it. I get the first two verses, but then? It's very abstract to me... and perhaps needs a bit of explanation for a simple girl like me.
Re: the magic rock by nypoet22	richa 81.178.221.67	22-May-07/9:36 AM
I like the final verse now.
Re: The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	ALChemy 71.68.46.177	22-May-07/9:54 AM
You over chisel your poems as much as Rockmage under chisels his rocks. I would suggest you pad you quatrains for aesthetics and imagery sake. Maybe make them all 6 lines each. Nothing wrong with indulging in superfluous language.
Re: The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	ALChemy 71.68.46.177	22-May-07/10:19 AM
Bovilexia (bo vil eks' e uh) - n. The uncontrollable urge to lean out the car window and yell "Moo!" every time you pass a cow. -from Richard Hall's Sniglets: Words that don't appear in the dictionary, but should.
Re: The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	daniella 201.212.77.26	22-May-07/10:30 AM
you get us about a quarter of the way there and we are begging for some chocolate milk served by kids on the side of the road. quaint and so pastoral
Re: The Editor by Dovina	daniella 201.212.77.26	22-May-07/10:34 AM
you need an editor. and someone to let you on to the fact: you don't buy fruit from trees, known or otherwise... and lastly, as a poet you should know all trees... tsk tsk
Re: Ode to Jack by Skamper	Dovina 216.77.71.149	22-May-07/11:09 AM
And poetry is lost - And since romance is the beauty of things far away or gone, let the poetry of who Jack was roll on. May parents were not nearly as romantic during their lives as they are now. I like this.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 216.77.71.149	22-May-07/11:11 AM
Verses 1 and 2 are wordy and weak. The rest is good.
Re: The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	Skamper 202.6.132.192	22-May-07/3:22 PM
Cows will be cows and nothing more - which seemed to irritate the cyclist, to the point of internal dialogue where the cyclist attempts to free them from a fence that obviously doesn't bother the cows, for they have all they need exaclty where they are. Did the cyclist also feel the cows disdain for one who would expand energy so uselessly - as the next hill offers nothing but the same as the last? I like this, and think it needs nothing but the use of imagination in the reader.
regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 202.6.132.192	22-May-07/3:29 PM
The last three stanzas could possibly stand alone, with a little explanation about photography...I love the last stanza - it speaks a duality - nice!
Re: Portrait of the artist as [insert adjective] by Nicholas Jones	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:27 AM
Turn this into a concrete silhouette poeme and it will be brilliant. Everyone's a closet neo-Kantian even if they won't admit it.
Re: My Soul Cries Out by amanda_dcosta	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:31 AM
I think that gospel blues is definitely your forte. The potential here, in my unhumble opinion, is to go "my heart dwells *in* every word..." and build a house-of-God analogy from there. Nice to see you're still writing :-)
Re: The Happy Side of Misery by Dovina	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:38 AM
Nice. You could do with looking a bit more at your articles - sometimes you use them when I don't think they're needed, and others you leave them out when they'd be better included. "Forty shades of southern green" is a good line.
Re: 1945 by nypoet22	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:41 AM
I can't shake the Hiroshima feeling from this, "cold" being the odd word out, of course. "Satchel" is an interesting word to use there, it's either incredibly effective or detracting; I'm not certain which. I'll come back to this later.
Re: Ode to Jack by Skamper	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:43 AM
You seem to be aiming more for word-music - put some subtle rhymes in to make it move smoothly.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:47 AM
I'm not sure that you need so many of the main verbs - "I see" and "I feel" could go without detracting (if the sights and sensations in the poem are effective, you won't need to tell us that you're seeing or feeling them). Perhaps some of the more prosaic bits could make way for extra sensory detail ("But with deeper observation", "With clarity" etc.) After all, what I think you're doing here is in a way creating your own memory - make the poem as rich as that creation.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:49 AM
This is brilliant. Perhaps it's more a senryu than haiku? You're getting good at these, oh-so-cynical one.
Re: Mouth full of Posion by VioletSuccubus	Ranger 81.103.124.179	23-May-07/2:53 AM
The passion's there, it just needs crafting now. Work the musicality, the cadence and add a couple of killer images. If it's the Gothic you're after, aim for a Poe-style effect. Who do you read?