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Snow (Free verse) by MacFrantic
Cradles swaddle stones of sadly broken infant bones. Crying mothers spit blue fireflies at the moon. Police in camouflage and brass caps stop to sing the blues. Neon eyes wink past the sunset's sinking swoon. Maybe we'll be lovers in a dream or in a book about despair I want to feel the auburn waves crash in your hair But if it's loneliness you crave I'll give back every gaze you gave and fall a thousand times upon you from the sky When there's nothing left to breathe In baths of blood and smoke we grieve I'll drive a cold cold mile.

Down the ladder: Social Rant

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.6
Weighted score: 5.0715218
Overall Rank: 6604
Posted: May 6, 2007 11:22 AM PDT; Last modified: May 6, 2007 11:22 AM PDT
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Comments:
[4] pete @ 62.56.114.137 | 7-May-07/3:48 PM | Reply
poweful opening swooned into greeting-card land
[6] Dovina @ 24.38.49.2 | 10-May-07/12:57 PM | Reply
The first four lines portend a good poem, but the rest only continues to portend, never getting to the snow
[10] Skamper @ 202.6.132.210 | 19-May-07/4:31 PM | Reply
I felt the ice
[8] nypoet22 @ 74.225.66.5 | 20-May-07/11:50 AM | Reply
the first two stanzas i like. the word loneliness stands out a bit as telling, not showing, in an otherwise pretty good third stanza. the last three lines really aren't necessary, and the poem would be much better were they omitted.
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