The colons in verse 1 are just silly. Do you mean hopped? The rest is pretty good, but too much repetition.

First Date? LMAO Excellent, conjures up all sorts!

Charming self portrait.

Chilling. Lyrical and a little mad.

Somehow this makes me feel naked.

That's about the sum of it.

pucker up - lip service.

urgh! I can almost smell it from here...

LMFAO...So that's who ate all the pies! Looove this...

Excellent. I hate treading on things - like, you know, the earth.

Hmmm.. lemme see. Quite a few points came to mind when I read this. First of all, I like the theme. Secondly, I like the similar syllables used like... suckered, sold and saddened... and verdict, vouched and valid. Thirdly... its very good imagery you've pictured there at the end, ie. the last two lines. Very emphatic. Good work.

I love how you admit to god feelings many would feel uncomfortable speaking about to god. "erase those emotions that cause me to be disappointed in you" for instance. More prayer than poem but a very good prayer.

The entire cast of Monty Python farts in your general direction.

Are you a Jehovah Witness?

You sure know how to flatter you wife don't you?

Very lyrical. Nice to see that from you. One must remember it took the devil himself to seduce Eve but it only took a woman to seduce Adam.

Like a psalm. David's were just as honest.

Ah! the substance of true poetry!

Bookshop boys are a tiresome lot Corduroy trousers And a spotted bot

There's a lot of this kind of poetry out there - standing out is a challenge. "And erase those emotions that cause me to Be disappointed in you." A clever line - a definate keeper