richa
on I smell coffee by Princess_Snowflake
19 Dec 2003, 8:33 AM
Too much redundancy, shame because at least you tried to deviate from the usual addiction poems on this site.
'i am a coffee addict/i will drink more of it/ until my toes fall off.
All the do and too rhymes are pointless.
try - seeing your face/makes me want/that long kiss - for the first four lines (kiss even half-rhymes with face).
Beautiful. ;)
Reminds me of an episode of Futerama... lol. I love it!
The Blubber Periscope
Loving you is what I should do
But seeing your face makes me spew
It's not your fault - I should know
I was the one who made it grow.
If hadn't snapped the bulbosity gland
Things wouldn't have got so out of hand-
I'd still have my dungarees,
And you'd be able to see your knees.
But as it is you'll just have to cope
With life seen through a periscope,
And rolling around like a spherical jelly,
You can use this Bum Harness to go for a smelly.
Time's up I'm afraid - I'd better get going
(Your tights have just burst and your buttocks are showing)
And much as I'd love to stay here and chat,
I'd rather eat dung than take one look at THAT
glamour :-\
espanol es muy bonita en los (verses) -10-
Mi angel ..si no te exito, [My angel, if I dont exsite you]You wont stay to clean up the house. And you know how dirty we can make it lol..With thong's here and fresh fruit there.Your corazon has the beat I need. que no?Your turn to write, muy sexy..CIAO
Thank's for the advice, we all have our styles and I'am new at this, "Trips everywhere and anywhere imaginable," I write about that my Trips. mind, creativity,and a lot of passion,into your heart
if you allow it and the heart's of others. NO Permission to leave is the freedom that an aquarian soul like me needs to stay and express my "gifts"
of creativity.Thanks for putting your words out in the univerce..happy holidays.A 10
now
Eres un ser muy inteligente,me gusta tu trabajo.
Thanks for taking the time to read my femenine toughts.
Ciao amor. 9
Beautiful, I bet he never thought he'd get this kind of exposure for christmas.
This poem was writen after a fight I had with my mom. She says things that she eventually regrets, but most of the time I feel like this.
It could be worse she could want to smoke your smeckle twice a day before coffee.
Count me in, well, first let me hear it then count me in. lol.
Ye a modern man with schooling we all shall aspire for...
Must u always spoil Easter Shardik? You and your Walter, with a six penny pole thats been dead fr a decade...
:o)
Hello Dear. how u doing??
I see that you also talk to a DICK, Casually caressing it :o)
Well dear dont know much abt what u try us to c... so i cud say Surfacing is a person & his penis relationship..
the reasons been:
1-'I find you a giver': a giver o sperm
2-'warm to the touch': it sure is warm
3-'and a free radical': yes has a will of its own (i know)
4-'Curly long & supple': During the placid state its skin is surly coiled .
5- the rest put forth the reverie of thoughts of the person, claiming that though he had kept Mr.Penis to himself its use liberates him & lets him feel love â which hence he claims Mr.Penis âyou are the worldsâ.
Sounds funny dho...but i have an evil mind & my Mr.Penis is also just the same;o)
A cool verse even if i ignore this complex inference..
Take a 9 baby..
And stop it shall? i dont know i can fullfill ya request fr critic i am not that gud...but i think each of us can help eachh other..
for starters:
1-"I'm trying to do the same with this bad memory" wud b better if u did away with 'with this bad', it kinda drags the idea.
2-"The grave is taking out the sad" i think i understand what you mean - but a little rearranging cud/might make it better
On the whole the piece aint super nor is it bad..enough fr me 2 give u a 10 atleast..
:o) TC
Leave it b as it is...
A question i can ask is, u trying 2 be a rapper cause me think u tryin/is sounding a itsy like one:o)
i stopd at "The rain has drained " otherwise OK on my book
Ya i know what it is u sez . meself is living in Maldives, a small land where small is populaz n nobody goez..Little ground 2 cover no place to trot...Yez i understand whats u got...
:o)