SomeNewKill
on Ago by Enkidu
2 Jun 2007, 11:52 AM
well formed.
Skamper
on Delicious Ann and the Magic Ham (Prose...I'm ashamed) by D. $ Fontera
31 May 2007, 9:12 AM
Don't know why I like this...
You are quite good at these arent you?
Love the story - but the spacing distracted me a little
i like this, its really well formated with good usage of words, its good
its a really simple topic to right about... i like it.
first two stanzas set me up with a rhythm, and the last three tripped me up a little...
I do love to think in colour - but I can't get the image out of my head of seagulls with nice white teeth!
gay. this is just a simple poem with no meaning, unless you have it completly hidden, its horrible in my opinion, but maybe you wrote this fucked up.
i don't catch the meaning of this, are you saying its to hard to be glorious? it doesnt make much since at all
Don't like. Every so often someone posts a poem which pretty much lists different colours. I did it my self once. It just doesn't work.
i really like this, i can't really find the meaning, but its good, the shirtless cowboys is kind of gay, but i'm sure theres a meaning behind it. i like the layout of this poem, its good.
Some wordiness,such as "It is a story of true love" could be just "a story of love," similar suggestions throughout.
"Our path, it leads Us to Our fate" is such a common theme that, expecially when said straight out, comes accross stale. Otherwise, some good rhythms and some good lines.
"love that felt so true" and other cliches like "the test of time" detract from otherwise good rhythm.
who is bynaan? is he a king? or a fed up civilian? i like this but its kind of caught up in itself. like if the kings are so mighty then why does thier blood flow? are you meaning in different terms than the way its read? other than that it'll be good when you finish.
Rather good. A couple of lines I don't like-- the morning mused/ tried to speak is too abstract and beneath an air where humans did not speak is a touch convoluted. You don't actually have to say something didn't happen (i.e humans didn't speak) in a poem because it doesn't happen by the fact of it not being written of. I like the canes bit.
The final verse doesn't really make sense. It parses as: Was the loss he came out for greater than the loss which was offered.
Godawful maudlin sentiment. The number of pomes I read on here that are just a string of overwrought cliches; darkness, grief, tears, drowning sorrow. Pity is not spelt pitty. And at the end the spelling goes terribly awry. Have the -10- of shame.
This is not a senryu, it is a bollocks.