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Taupe is an Angry Mob

Member since 2003 · Posted 21 Apr 2004 · Edited 21 Apr 2004 · 5 comments

When I sleep I rest my eyes beneath a charcoal sun Fueled by dread and inhibitions And when I wake Only the air is clear and tempered My world is ablaze There is want outside my door A marching silence Shorn of mercy and restitution I plead for relief But alas, They infect my step with numbers I know not with what to please them They thrive like rapid wildfire So judge me now As a solemn winter Unable to ice a flame A scourge upon this plague Fighting fire with brimstone soul Unleash fury upon wrath And sleep again in peace Fueled by satisfaction and relief

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mean 6.60 weighted 5.19 rank 4724 views 217 View voting details →

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5 comments

[9] Shuushin 21-Apr-04/7:25 AM Reply

interesting (good) title.

not sure I like "soil thronging" - with the surrounding text it may be [subconciously] parsed as "schlonging" ... that could just be me though.

Lots good about this stanza:

"I know not with what to please them
They thrive like rapid wildfire
So judge me now
As a solemn winter
Unable to ice a flame
Parity in diversion"

but kill the last line ("Parity...") there, and I don't like the "charcoal" refrain - for what its worth (though I liked it alot the first time).

[8] zodiac 21-Apr-04/7:27 AM Reply

I wish this poem had actually been about the title.

[n/a] MacFrantic 21-Apr-04/7:28 AM Reply

Vote again after I change it please! Great feedback!

[n/a] MacFrantic 21-Apr-04/7:32 AM Reply

It IS about the title. Grey is often associated with anonymity. That is essentially what a mob is, right?

[7] dclark 1-Jun-07/10:01 PM Reply

i like this, its really well formated with good usage of words, its good