free verse?

Decent use of ambiguous language.

Too vague even for a Haiku.

Chinese fortune cookie?

this is a true work of art, i love it, and it ends perfectly

Ah, some most superb multisyllabic rhymes. You must like Byron.

'bleeding heart' and 'tongue whipped' could be changed. Good last two lines.

Stanza 2 wants to follow s1's rhyme scheme, otherwise it looks like you had a good idea to start with but couldn't follow it through.

If you died on a cross I would only know about it if you had a most excellent report on the BBC's website.

Life as conveyed through the illusion of satyric toilet humour. Why yes, I think I like it

lol, I tried to force myself to last the entire 3 hours of Inland Empire but failed magnificently.

Nice idea, it seems a bit bulky - prosaic in areas. I rather like the final stanza though, it makes perfect sense to me.

Don't get too worked up about rhyming perfectly. 'figure' is a more subtle rhyme for 'river' in this context: if it seems like you're putting words like quiver in for the sake of trying to rhyme it gets distracting.

Nice musicality to this. One alteration I'd make - shiny into shining; it has a little more of an up-and-down cadence to it, rather like the waves.

Gorgeous flow in this poem makes you feel the waves. I'd lose the "S" in "Pearly whites" to get a 10. Otherwise it's a good poem that carries it's point and feeling across beautifully.

Is "spice" a color? Could drop "the" from "the shiny." and "The cotton." "dreamy paradise" sounds cliche. the two above comments are good. Otherwise good.

I'm interested how you feel about Socrates. He must piss you off too. Those darn elusive martyrs. Poem needs more consistancy in its form. This sounds more like a Bill Marr rant minus the funny stuff.

Although I can see why you'd get rated lowly, I also don't see how it's that bad as a poem. The religious nuts have to pull their heads out of their arses and realise you're supposed to rate a poem on it's merits, not your own personal beliefs. => Jess

Mostly I'd just say you need to proofread, at least in the last paragraph/stanza. doesn't - miserable - lives - drowning How-ever I do like the subtle rhyme scheme, and how it's written a little like a story. Grief might seem like it intensifies, but in time time will heal. Oh the irony, but it does make sense. => Jess

Although this isn't senryu, it's pretty alright. What does "braying" mean though? Should it be "playing"? Also, bollocks isn't actually a form of poetry, they were saying they didn't like your poem. => Jess (ps, small world, but at least before I rate your comment right now, one of my poems is directly below you on the rankings)