regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 76.166.137.3	26-May-07/10:38 PM
that certainly seems to sum up a fair amount of it.
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 76.166.137.3	26-May-07/10:39 PM
Does that mean hope is the fountain of youth?
Re: Maud, After the Death of her Daughter Lynn by middenHeap	darylchew 218.186.8.13	28-May-07/7:09 AM
nice, lots of emotion in this one. i've always liked villanelles.
Re: The Plea of the Beneathednessified (New poetry scheme!) by Enkidu	darylchew 218.186.8.13	28-May-07/7:15 AM
some E. E. Cummings in this one ha
regarding some deleted poem...	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	28-May-07/7:21 AM
flat.
Re: Close your eyes but keep your mind wide open by darylchew	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	28-May-07/7:25 AM
the first line is completely unnecessary. the rest needs tightening of language.
Re: garden spite by skaskowski	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	28-May-07/7:43 AM
for awhile i thought this was about new jersey - the garden state... but yes, the first two lines seem unnecessary.
Re: Altitude by half.italian	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	28-May-07/7:49 AM
the last stanza should be split into two lines. i like the ending, but for it to have the impact i think you want, you have to introduce the coil image earlier. 'intricate architecture' could be improved upon to tie the beginning and end together.
Re: The Wingman by John Rambo	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	28-May-07/7:50 AM
does this contain a note of regret?
Re: The boomerang holiday by INTRANSIT	nypoet22 74.225.66.5	28-May-07/7:53 AM
as if were? erstwhile kelp? some of these choices of phrase need rethinking.
Re: Close your eyes but keep your mind wide open by darylchew	Dovina 12.74.103.30	28-May-07/9:28 AM
numb with self-denial - doesn't show much. And it tries to tell something, but what?
Re: C. by skaskowski	Dovina 12.74.103.30	28-May-07/9:32 AM
Seems like some graphic image written in C++. Otherwise, what is the title about?
Re: C. by skaskowski	Skamper 202.6.128.2	29-May-07/5:52 AM
"I watched your sideview-mirror split into a thousand glassy pieces, like the sparkly spray from sneezing in the sunlight." My fav description - and like these lines, movement and colour follows in every thing you've written.
Re: surgical spite by calliope	Skamper 202.6.128.2	29-May-07/5:55 AM
I get the feel of emo - but the cuz in the last line doesn't fit with the rest of the write. You could lose it and keep with the darkness, it lightens the write too much - almost childish.
regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 202.6.128.2	29-May-07/6:01 AM
don't like this...too bland and matter-of-fact
Re: Close your eyes but keep your mind wide open by darylchew	Skamper 202.6.128.2	29-May-07/6:07 AM
(I'm sorry, that seat is taken.) great line - work back from there and shorten your sentences - pull it all in tight and the image will just pop...
regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 202.6.128.2	29-May-07/6:09 AM
LOL...nice! the wonderous sofa-shaped arse
Re: C. by skaskowski	half.italian 76.172.249.205	29-May-07/8:24 PM
The imagery and flow is magnificent. I agree with nypoet however that the self reflection stanzas should be entirely cut. They detroy everything that you build before. Keep stanzas 1,2,3,7,8,9,10 and leave the rest unchanged.
Re: The world's shortest poem by ALChemy	lmp 141.154.134.3	30-May-07/9:55 AM
just to counterbalance Edna's vote.
Re: Rolling Bells by MacFrantic	Skamper 202.6.128.86	31-May-07/9:07 AM
molesting - dragging - torturing, and all things associated with the living...so visual here. Still not entirely sure this has clicked in its meaning with me, but I get lost in the movement within.