| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Maud, After the Death of her Daughter Lynn (Villanelle) by middenHeap No one seems to understand
I suppose no one really could
She holds her sorrow well in hand
Her father only will demand
She act as mothers should
No one seems to understand
She's done nothing like her mother planned
When she over her cradle cooed
She holds her sorrow well in hand
She's gone against the law of the land
-- maybe any woman would
No one seems to understand
Around her heart a tightening band
That must be every day withstood
She holds her sorrow well in hand
Head high she leads the mourning band
Beside the black and polished wood
No one seems to understand
She holds her sorrow well in hand
Up the ladder:
Roll the dice (revised)
Down the ladder:
The most trite garbage ever(in other words my love life)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.9473686
Posted: March 13, 2003 4:52 PM PST; Last modified: March 13, 2003 5:22 PM PSTWeighted score: 6.855013 Overall Rank: 304 Comments:
ACES ANOTHER LOVE POEM! WELL GOLLY FUCKING GOSH I HAVEN'T SEEN ONE OF THOSE IN A WHILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's because you're so mean. You have to be nice if you want people to write you love poems.
But I wrote this one just for you, really I did. The third last line was supposed to be "Thinking of Dark Angel's splendid wood" but it didn't scan well enough. Sorrow, of course, being nought but a metaphor for your splendid wood.
I am mean because I am a bitter old husk of a man with a bitter old husk of a beard trailing from my bitter old husk of a chin. Do you realise next month will be -=Dark_Angel=-'s first anniversary? I think I am the longest-registered active member on poemranker. That makes me sad, because I think of all the time I have spent posting bollocks here when I could have been inventing a cure for AIDS or tugging off or something.
you are mean because you are hard as a sock. and, really, haven't you been tugging off for much longer than that full year?
i noticed that stocks in moisturizing avocado "hand" creme have skyrocketed in the u.k. huzzah!
Its A daisy !
It reads more like a lyric though. Still an engaging piece of writing, compiled cleverly.
thanks, "compiled cleverly" from you is a nice pat on the back because your own writing is so tight.
the reason I reject this pome is because I didn't find anything real or raw. I was just playing with a rhyming dictionary, following the words.
Man. Everyones droppin the V's like a seeder on a farm.
And I haven't the cojones to try one meself. Ah well, all in due time. Pretty good for a practice run.
Nifty and true.
nice, lots of emotion in this one. i've always liked villanelles.
457 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
middenHeap's into the fray.
oy vey!
I suppose -that- no one really could
--will help the meter
When she over her cradle cooed
--i know what you mean, but it reads awkwardly
nice effort. excellent topic for a V. the grief-struck often do repeat and repeat, to force themselves to accept. very nice tie-in, there.
I haven't done any writing in 7 years, I'm gonna be weeding my garden for a while.
But regardless of how tight I get the meter and rhyme it's a lost cause because there's nothing real or raw in there.
It was just a drill.