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Atlantis Destroyed (Sonnet) by Sasha
Sound drowned on the sereneness of a sea Unstirred and cool as a mortician’s eye That holds pent death in livid memory Behind a cheap blue knockoff of the sky. Then morning tried to speak, but mused in rain. Beneath an air where humans did not speak And rare gulls needed treetops like a cane, A land lay broken like a sculptured Greek. There were no relics left of what had died: A culture girdled to the verge of space That killed itself to stones and never told Of mastered gravity and death denied: The fell aloofness of a priviliged race Where all that mighty fusion had been cold.

Up the ladder: Ahkataka Akarnakuray
Down the ladder: mountain creek

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5879
Posted: June 1, 2007 12:28 AM PDT; Last modified: June 1, 2007 12:41 AM PDT
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Comments:
[9] richa @ 85.210.15.203 | 2-Jun-07/3:27 PM | Reply
Rather good. A couple of lines I don't like-- the morning mused/ tried to speak is too abstract and beneath an air where humans did not speak is a touch convoluted. You don't actually have to say something didn't happen (i.e humans didn't speak) in a poem because it doesn't happen by the fact of it not being written of. I like the canes bit.
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