Mood or truth? Hmmm...Both? No, it's Or. '8'

Hmm. On the one hand, as hypatia said, you could turn it into a haoku, thus: With furtive passion I kiss the back of my hand And spoon my pillow That, however, would have the result of its ending with the line 'I spoon my pillow'. Which is going to turn this into a comedy, which I presume is not the intent.

i think it is pretty fucking good.

a bit confusing, but otherwise i liked

And just when you think a cock couldn't get any bigger along comes someone with a Swedish vacum pump.

Yep...thats lonely...

I feel obliged to inform you that the most recent of Blender's Worst-of lists names Jefferson Starship's "We Built This City [on Rock & Roll]" the worst song ever.

A few lines bother me: Rising high and filling the horizon. (How do you mean?) a drink too costly to touch ??? flail about and wail -> flail and wail

I would make (WARNING!) warning. Some good thoughts here, but a bit disjointed. Like why not "Who is king in selfish selves?" or is that too simple; I don't think so. The part about know and now is good. "The" is vague in an uninteresting way.

Why don't you lose a few words and make it a haiku?

So apart from spazzing out on meth-beakers and party-whazzes every tooby beeper, and writing poetry about how deviant you are, what do you actually do that's so fucking deviant? Nothing. You've just got an obsession with being different from other people, because it's the only way you can excuse your astounding mediocrity in all areas.

SEAGOON: I must warn you that this is a case of ipso facto corincarborundum filius. ECCLES: Ohohoooo. What do all dem woords mean den? SEAGOON: I don't know, but they make me sound intelligent. In any case, they fooled you. ECCLES: Oh, yeah well, you needn't have used such long words, small words fool me just the same.

Change to the last two lines, suggest: "I am the child fucked twice a night I am naughty and desreve it up the ass",

one fix: "plague[']s nature" I can't help thinking there's a simpler way to say the same thing, but I guess the vocabularic diarrhea, and I mean that in the nicest possible way, is a style - and I really won't fault you for that. I think the thing does encapsulate a complete thought, as well. I'm forced to consider the merrits of this style, however; it raises questions as I read the piece ... Who is your audience? Is the style consistent with the message? And a broader question: what is the value of language? See what happens? I completely ignore the message and go right to the method of conveyance.

ahh, love songs with trains - gotta love em. Good one.

small nit: "beginning[']s end" (and the I'll will, but you got that one). I find the rhyming quite consistent myself, near-rhymes are fine. good job.

the core of a memorable pop lyric, I'd say.

good language and a pleasant vignette. BUT can you do something with the last line (maybe I just have trouble with last lines?). I keep thinking of guitars... (plus you could do better I think).