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The Song of Summer Youth (II)

Member since 2002 · Posted 19 Apr 2004 · Edited 14 Jul 2006 · 8 comments

The air was Elysian As clouds chased the breeze. Your hand was in mine As we slipped through the trees. In that cool, shaded orchard We picked apples and pears, Amid the fragrance of summer Was the scent of your hair. The touch of your fingers As they ran down my arm was gentle and easy Like the August day's calm And sinking to the ground Thoughts needing no say We lay there for hours 'Til the Sun slipped away.

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mean 3.50 weighted 4.93 rank 9249 views 230 View voting details →

2 votes so far. Yours would make 3.2 votes so far

A favorite of Landon2.

8 comments

[n/a] edpeterson 19-Apr-04/7:24 AM Reply

could be good. I won't vote now, because this obviously needs to be edited.

[6] Shardik 19-Apr-04/1:33 PM Reply

"passin" gas...?

[n/a] cleverdevice › Shardik 21-Apr-04/2:57 AM Reply

sorted, now.

[9] Shuushin 21-Apr-04/7:09 AM Reply

good language and a pleasant vignette.

BUT can you do something with the last line (maybe I just have trouble with last lines?).

I keep thinking of guitars... (plus you could do better I think).

[n/a] cleverdevice › Shuushin 26-Apr-04/2:18 AM Reply

Yeah, it is somewhat cliched/crap.

[10] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 26-Apr-04/2:52 AM Reply

And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you.

[n/a] cleverdevice › wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 28-Apr-04/2:51 AM Reply

Ah, but which finger shall you wear it upon?

[n/a] CherokeeRoseLoggins 16-Jul-06/11:16 PM Reply

It needs a few more commas at the end of some of the verses, but other than that, a very good read and an excellent write.